Leather and Feathers: When Kings Collide
by softlysharp
Summary: Bowser is looking for something, but he doesn't know what. After a string of failed takeovers, he starts to wonder if there's something missing from his life. Then, he meets a foreign king who just might melt his heart of stone... if he allows it to happen. [Bowser x Dedede. M/M friendship and romance, with other Smash ships 'n friends. Note: This story takes place prior to Brawl]
1. Welcoming Committee

**[Author's note: This story takes place between** _ **Melee**_ **and** _ **Brawl**_ **, so Bowser hasn't met any characters that weren't in Melee, unless he has a logical reason to know them, and by logical I mean "made up by me". Also how is this ship so rare?]**

* * *

 **BOWSER**

It all started when the Koopa King decided to survey other planets. Maybe if colonizing the Mushroom Kingdom hadn't worked, he could set his sights on the stars.

It was on one particular "star" that he decided to land his airship first, on a whim. Pop Star, in particular. A land of boundless green fields, marshmallow clouds and forests teeming with life - even some of the trees were sentient. He'd been on Pop Star arenas briefly during fighting tournaments, but he'd never explored the planet proper.

Bowser was itching for something, and to him it seemed like he needed to conquer. If he could just conquer a real task that mattered, like, say, taking over a planet, then maybe he'd stop feeling that vague longing that sometimes overtook his chest when he didn't have anything to distract himself with.

Bowser hadn't brought any of his troops with him. This turtle-dragon of the Koopa persuasion wanted to be a pioneer. No underlings to trip over, no Kamek to tell him everything he was doing was a mistake, just he, himself and the emptiness of outer space.

He landed his grand airship, a flying wooden boat with cannons and propellers, and walked down the ramp onto a grassy, hilly area. Almost immediately he was surrounded by a group of orange, small creatures with cream-colored faces and stubby arms and legs. They were wearing bandanas and pointing spears at him.

"Shouldn't have come by myself," Bowser said. "What are you little guys?"

They didn't answer, but merely started leading him toward a village nearby, in the center of which stood a modest castle, not nearly as extravagant as the one that Bowser lived in, but homey and inviting.

The villagers all stared at him as he was forcibly led toward the castle doors. It was all rather embarrassing.

The large wooden doors creaked open. He felt a sharp spear stab at his rump and yelped. "Watch where you're pointing that thing! I know how to walk!"

They led Bowser into the castle, deep through its many hallways, passing numerous fountains and flower arrangements and statues of what looked like some kind of fat, round bird. "What IS this place?"

The halls were airy, with bright light streaming through the windows, plenty of decorations, generally the exact opposite of what Bowser's keep looked like.

Bowser's question was finally answered when he entered the throne room, a large chamber with two fountains in the back, large open windows, flowing drapery, and here and there an understated tapestry or vase.

"Welcome to Castle Dedede."

The voice came from the throne, upon which sat the same bird the statues mimicked. He was blue, with a red robe and hat, and a smug grin on his beak. Under the open robe, which had white fluff running from the collar all the way down the zipper area and along the bottom of the garment, he wore a patterned sash. "Forgive the Waddle Dees, they can be a little poke-happy."

"Yeah, I noticed," Bowser grumbled. "So what, your name's Dedede?"

" _King_ Dedede," he corrected. "Penguin monarch of Dream Land. And you are?"

"Bowser. _King_ Bowser of the Koopa clan."

"Oh, a foreign king? I feel so rude now. Guards, desist."

The Waddle Dees cautiously lowered their weapons.

"Nice unified movements. My troops all have two left feet."

"So what brings you here, King Koopa?"

" _Please._ The formality is making my skin crawl. Let's make a deal - you're Dedede, and I'm Bowser."

The penguin king was quiet for a moment. Then he let out a laugh. "Very well. So, Bowser, what brought you to my neck of the woods?"

"Well, if I'm being honest, I'm looking for new lands to conquer."

Dedede looked puzzled. "Isn't it kind of... _stupid_ to admit that, when you're surrounded by guards?"

"It's not like I'm gonna take over _this_ kingdom. Too saccharine for my tastes… it'd take a hell of a reno to get this place up to my standards."

"Saccharine? Dream Land? Noooooo." Dedede looked a bit threatened. "You know, I'm quite the villain myself. As you can no doubt tell by my epic throne room, armed guards, and general air of badassery."

"Well, how many princesses have you kidnapped?"

"Erm…"

"How many towns have you demolished?"

"Maybe a couple, I've lost count-"

"How many times have you clobbered your arch nemesis?"

"Arch nemesis? …clobbered? Who _clobbers?_ " Dedede was dumbfounded at Bowser's choice of words.

"You don't have a nemesis? Mine is this middling plumber who everyone loves, including the princess, despite him being an overweight, middle-aged tradesman who wears his initial on his cap! Seriously, who _does_ that?" Bowser finally took a breath.

"Nobody like that around here…" Dedede blinked. "That was quite a rant. Not fond of this plumber guy? Has he kicked you in the keister one too many times?"

Bowser stepped back. "Nonono, Dedede, I'm just annoyed by his persistence. No matter how many times I beat him up, he keeps coming back for more. He's like a masochist or something, you know? Always wants to get turtle terrorized."

Dedede smirked faintly, shifting in his chair. He almost looked a little uncomfortable. "Well, you're certainly an interesting character… your brashness has an endearing quality."

Bowser paused, looking befuddled. "Is that a come on?"

Dedede lost his smile and reddened. "What? _What?_ Jeez, can't I give a compliment without you thinking I'm hitting on you? Are you that egotistical?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Bowser replied.

"I assure you that my interest is platonic, but even _that_ is dwindling after that... insult."

"What, it's _insulting_ to imply that someone could be attracted to me? Am I that monstrous?" Bowser was still being snarky, but there was a tinge of a genuine emotion in his voice.

"N-no, I didn't mean _that,_ " Dedede stood up from his seat, and walked left, over to one of the two water fountains that adorned each side of the throne, slightly behind it.

"So you DO think I'm cute," Bowser said. The pure snark in his speech was evident.

"NO!" The penguin regarded the fountain's waters thoughtfully, facing away from the Koopa. "The _insult_ is that you think _I'm_ attracted to you after spending merely five minutes in your company."

"Usually only takes three, pal." Bowser looked at his nails, thinking they could use a trim soon.

"I'm not... I'm not looking for that kind of companionship, believe me. And if I _were_ , I wouldn't be into anything or anyone even _remotely_ resembling you." Dedede scowled, barely noticeable due to the angle at which he was standing.

"Re _lax_ , don't worry, I ain't into tubby penguins anyway. I'm more into snatching cute princesses."

Dedede's head snapped around so fast, Bowser almost mistook him for an owl, not a penguin. "Tubby? TUBBY!? _Guards-_ "

The doors burst open before he could even finish his cry.

A young woman ran inside, dressed like a painter with a red beret, long green smock (slightly stained with primary colors), and a short dark skirt. She had black hair, round cheeks, and big, honest eyes.

"Dedede! Where have you _been?_ " she exclaimed. "You were supposed to meet us for the picnic half an hour ago!"

"Oops… I forgot."

"You for _got?_ " She raised her hands in the air in chagrin, walking about the room. "How do you expect to have any friends at all if you can't even keep your dates?"

"Daaaaates?" Bowser smirked.

Dedede scowled, his lips pursing in a way that made him look rather like a duck. "Shut up, you."

The painter girl ran up to the penguin king and grabbed the fluffy white part of the front of his robe. "Come on, Dedede, everybody's waiting!"

"Adeleine," Dedede said nervously, looking at Bowser for a minute, "how many times have I told you to call me _King_ Dedede?"

Adeleine appeared puzzled. "Um… never?"

"Ha... ha… ha… you're so silly with all of your jokes, Adeleine!" Dedede put an arm around her shoulder.

"Yo, Deeders, is this kid being insubordinate?" Bowser stepped toward them. The guards didn't seem to mind her presence. "She's walkin' around like she owns the place. You need me to put 'er in the dungeon?"

The painter girl finally noticed him. "There's no dungeon in this castle… who are you?"

"It is I! Your one and only King, Bowser Koopa." He spread his arms out, as if presenting himself to an adoring audience.

"No need to be so theatrical," Dedede grumbled.

"Oh, how wonderful, you've made a friend, Dedede! And he's visiting royalty, no less!" Adeleine clapped her hands.

"You don't have to act so surprised," Dedede said, crossing his arms. "A- and anyway, he's _not_ my friend, don't jump to conclusions!"

"Yeah, I'm a lone wolf, I don't need anyone stealing my limelight, kid!" Bowser added, with a macho, toothy grin.

"That's what everyone says when they have no friends," she replied with a youthful innocence, not meaning anything rude by it.

Bowser froze, his teeth parting as his smile drooped a bit. "Heh."

"Anyway, Dedede, bring your new friend with you to the picnic! He looks interesting! I bet he has all kinds of stories from his home that he's itching to tell."

"Now then, Adeleine, hold your horses," the penguin king said. "I'm sure Bowser was just on his way out-"

"Actually, that sounds great. I'm feelin' kinda… peckish." He glanced at Dedede. "Get it? Cuz you're a bird?"

"Bring your jokes with you too!" Adeleine beamed. "And hurry, before all the food is gone!"

Dedede sighed and looked at Bowser. The Koopa just flashed his teeth and winked.


	2. Picnic Panic

**[Author's note: I thought I'd publish chapter 2 right away so there's a bit more content to simmer, instead of y'all being stuck with one introductory chapter. Anyhow, really excited to get to write more Adeleine, she's a gem. Sooooo. Time to see some male bonding… more like fail bonding, Bowser and Dedede are literally from two different planets. Also, note I'm working with both POVs this time around, unlike in A Joint Venture! It'll be fun to get deeper into both characters' heads, instead of just one.]**

* * *

 **DEDEDE**

The trio left the castle, Bowser, Dedede, and Adeleine strolling briskly through the town, eastward, in the opposite direction that Bowser had come in.

Dedede saw Bowser looking around. The Koopa king obviously noticed it was more enjoyable to see the area while not having weapons pointed at him. But he didn't have much time to acknowledge the modest houses and gawking villagers. Adeleine was walking fast, ahead of him, dragging Dedede by the hand.

Dedede knew he sure must have appeared whipped for a so-called evil king. That was mostly bravado, to be honest - he was really only evil if he got possessed.

The penguin looked behind him. Bowser had a bit of a tough time keeping up, with his massive, beastly, muscular legs, upon which he lumbered like a zombie giving chase to a brainy individual.

Despite the Koopa's abrasive behavior, Dedede elected to be the bigger man and extend an olive branch. Besides, if he was being honest, the guy kind of piqued his curiosity - he was so different from anybody in Dream Land.

As they walked through the verdant countryside, now at least half a mile from town, Dedede wrestled free of Adeleine's grip to momentarily fall back and converse with Bowser. "Holy cow, that girl has a strong hold."

"Enjoy being dragged around like a ragdoll? Or are you trying to lull your subjects into a false sense of security to manipulate them easier?" Bowser grinned against a backdrop of deciduous trees and fluffy clouds, the sky bright with afternoon sun.

"Um… the second one." Dedede hoped he'd stop asking questions. It was surprisingly hard to keep up this bad boy front, especially with Adeleine's innocence ruining his rep.

Bowser laughed. "You're kind of a character yourself."

"Oh, who invited _you?_ " Dedede snapped.

"Your girlfriend, Madeline."

" _Adeleine_. And she's not my girlfriend, let alone in my _age range_. Why do you _insist_ on pairing me with somebody?" Dedede sighed, trying to calm his naturally defensive disposition.

"Whatever. You're a real grump, you know that? Here I am, trying to banter with _your_ sorry ass, even though the one with the most social value in this group - besides me, of course - is a 12 year old girl."

"You're very rude. I don't like you," Dedede said. Damn it. He wasn't going to take disrespect like that from a total stranger.

"I don't care whether ya like me, Buttercup," Bowser said, "I just wanna get some food into me and get out of this candyland dump."

"Good riddance," Dedede said, starting to get out of breath as they began climbing a hill. "You must be the most annoying person I've ever met." _Yikes._ That came out a little harsher than he had intended.

Bowser put his hands in the air in exasperation. "Take a look in the mirror, Groucho. I've been trying to have a fun chat and you just take everything I say so seriously. Are ya cranky like this all the time, or do you just really need to get laid?"

Dedede narrowed his eyes. He didn't say anything.

Soon they had reached the top of the hill, punctuated by a lone tree at its crest, underneath which a stereotypically red and white checkered picnic blanket lay, topped with a few baskets and all sorts of lunch food - sandwiches, rice balls, jelly donuts (which, to the untrained eye, can look very similar to rice balls), and some bottles of fruit juice and water. Despite the variety on display, the amount of food was clearly less than what could have fit in the baskets. At two corners of the blanket sat a Waddle Dee and Kirby, a round, pink orb with red shoes and blushing cheeks. Bowser appeared to stiffen as he saw them.

"Kirby," Adeleine said, "I thought we agreed we were going to wait until everyone was here before we started eating- oh, who am I kidding, we all knew this would happen."

" _Poyo?_ " answered the pink puffball she was referring to.

" _You_. I remember you. We've Smashed before!" Bowser pointed a clawtip at Kirby.

 _He knows Kirby? Of all people?_ _How?_ Dedede wondered.

" _Haiiiiiiiii~!_ " replied Kirby, waving both his stubby arms.

"Oh, you know Kirby? Really?" Adeleine was surprised.

"You _'Smashed'_?" Dedede repeated. "Does that... mean the same thing where you're from?"

Bowser paused, realizing his phrasing. "We fought in the Super Smash tournaments. Many times."

"Oh," Dedede said, touching his chin thoughfully, "I remember hearing about those. Competitive fighting, was it? Seems he'd be more suited to competitive _eating_."

"I tried to stop him," said the Waddle Dee, "But you know how he is."

Bowser leaned over to murmur to Dedede. "So, can only some of them talk, or…"

Adeleine turned around and held out an arm, presenting the turtle to the group. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet Dedede's new close friend, King Koopa. Bowser, this is Kirby, obviously, and Waddle Dee."

"We're not-" Dedede began, but his "close friend" interrupted.

"Call me Bowser. It's a pleasure to meet y'all, I guess. Even if I already met one of you... on the _battlefield_." He tried to make it sound dramatic, approaching the picnic blanket. "I'd shake your hands, but my hands are about the size of your entire bodies, and plus I don't see any opposable thumbs for gripping. Anyhow, got any steak? Or is it all just finger food?"

"Bowser is traveling from a faraway land known as…" Adeleine paused. "What was it again?"

"The Mush-" Bowser coughed. "I mean, the Koopa Kingdom."

"Sounds exotic," Waddle Dee said.

"So, like, are you all named Waddle Dee even though it's also the name of your species? Isn't that kinda confusing? Are you all _a_ Waddle Dee, or is there a _the_ Waddle Dee? I mean I guess Yoshis and Toads are like that too, but… it just doesn't make any sense!"

Nobody said anything. It was one of those statements everyone just ignores because it's too much work to answer. Kirby swallowed a quarter of a sandwich by opening his mouth wide and inhaling it from across the blanket.

"Holy shit, how did he do that?" Bowser was taken aback.

"So Bowser," Adeleine said, "What brought you here? Was it our beautiful nature scenes? The food? Or you just wanted to hang out with your buddies here?"

"Let's get one thing straight, kid. Bowser does not 'hang out'. I ain't pals with Dededweeb over here, or anyone else either. Just passing through on my quest for power and destruction."

Adeleine was clearly confused. "I… see. My, Dedede, you sure enjoy the company of some… _intriguing_ people."

Dedede sat there beet red, feeling extremely embarrassed to be associated with this buffoon. The penguin hadn't touched his food.

"So did you hear?" Waddle Dee turned to Adeleine. "The Gourmet Races are coming up in about a month."

"That early? Ooh, so exciting! I bet Dedede is gonna win again!"

"Gourmet Races?" Bowser asked. "Color me curious."

"Essentially," Adeleine said, "It's a race involving trying to eat as much food as possible."

Bowser looked at the surly penguin. A slight smile formed. "I can imagine _you_ must scoff it all down with real efficiency."

"Is that another dig at my weight?" Dedede grumbled. "It doesn't matter. Everyone just lets me win because it's bad form to beat the king."

"Oh, that's not true. Kirby's given you a run for your money quite a few times!" Adeleine insisted.

"I'll bet he has," Bowser said, watching the round boy suck in three more sandwiches without even moving.

"I know!" Adeleine said. "You should come back and join in the races this time, Bowser!"

"Oh, great idea, a new competitor!" Waddle Dee chimed in.

"Bowser's not coming back," Dedede said quickly. "He's overstayed his welcome as it stands."

"Aww, Deeders, is that any way to talk to your best friend from around the bend?"

Bowser put an arm around Dedede's shoulders and nuzzled into his face in a really aggravating way. Dedede flushed light pink in anger. Yeah… anger. Or nervousness, or something. This guy just really made him tense.

"Get off me, you overeager annoyance."

"Ha ha, silly Dedede. Adeleine, I hope you're not jealous of our friendship. It runs so deep that we can insult each other all day without ever meaning anything by it." He grabbed Dedede painfully tightly. "I'm not trying to steal him from you, promise."

"It's okay, Dedede could stand to meet some people." Adeleine nodded.

Dedede squirmed. "Bowser, let go-"

"Yo, grumps, I'm doin' you a solid here. You're making an ass of yourself. Nobody is gonna respect a mopey king. I just smoothed things over in a cool way, so the proper thing to say is: 'thanks, incredibly powerful and handsome'."

Dedede pried the Koopa's arm off of him with a lot of difficulty. God, he was strong, and his arms were heavy, not surprising considering the thickness of his musculature. Seriously, those biceps were a bit scary in their raw power. At least they put a knot in Dedede's stomach. Probably safer to stay on the Koopa's good side.

"Oh, _Bowz,_ " the penguin said condescendingly, "Of _course_ you're welcome at the Gourmet Races. But I'm sure you're busy ravaging cities and-"

Bowser smirked, unflappable. "Nah, not much on my plate right now. Kind of on vacation really, when ya think about it."

 _ **What**_ _must I do to get rid of this nuisance?_ Dedede thought. _Not only is he irritating, he's_ _ **intimidating**_ _. Who knows what he would do if left to wander around Dream Land? Stage a coup? Maybe he's trying to get close to Pop Star's denizens to surprise_ _us with a tactical strike. What if he attacked_ _ **me**_ _? Can't say I feel confident I could win in a scrap between the two of us - this Koopa, although a bit round in the middle, is clearly in his physical prime. Thick arms. Thicker legs… All he'd have to do is pin me down under his weight and I would be utterly helpless, no matter how much I struggled…_

"Dedede!" Bowser poked him. "Pay attention! Adeleine's talking to ya."

He snapped out of his daydream. "What? What is it?"

Adeleine gestured toward the picnic setting. "Are you going to eat anything? The food's almost gone…"

Kirby was dozing contentedly, sated at last.


	3. Sugar Crush

**[Author's note: Hey. Finally getting into the meat of the story. Gonna have a lot more Bowser/Dedede interaction in this one, they finally get to chat without anyone else bothering them. But there's still some friction, and they work it out in some very strange ways...]**

* * *

 **BOWSER**

The picnic was over, and after sitting around and talking for a bit, the group headed back to town. Dedede was quiet for most of the trip, and Bowser didn't have it in him to bug the poor guy. Clearly he was already feeling down.

When they made it back to the castle, the sky was turning a faint pink with the suggestion of an upcoming sunset. After that late lunch, none of them would've felt much like eating dinner, and Bowser was sure that Dedede would be glad to dine alone later.

 _What_ _ **is**_ _this side of me?_ Bowser thought. _Why am I concerning myself over this oversized penguin's feelings? Who cares._

At the castle doors, they all said their goodbyes.

"I hope we see you again soon, Bowser," Adeleine said with a short bow. "Your tales of defeating bad plumbers are so extraordinary!"

"Poyoooo," Kirby said.

"Yeah, it was fun shooting the breeze with you," Waddle Dee agreed.

"Look at you, talking like that. Trying to act cool in front of him?" Dedede said.

Bowser shot him a glance of annoyance and shook his head. "You're one to talk. Acting like you're this big, scary, evil force when you spend your days going on picnics and crap. Weak."

"I'm totally bad to the bone, dude, and nothing you can say will change that." Dedede tried to look convincingly aloof.

"I mean, you did cause a lot of destruction here a few times," Adeleine offered, "but you were posses-"

"Okay, okay, he doesn't need the full story, Adeleine!" Dedede said, waving his hands at her.

Bowser was surprised. "Huh. Guess I underestimated you… _buddy_."

"Don't push it." Dedede was clearly trying to hide a smile.

"Well, I suppose I'll be off," Bowser said. "Sayonara."

Adeleine, Waddle Dee and Kirby waved.

"Bye…" Dedede said, sheepishly.

Bowser took a few steps away and looked back. He almost thought he saw a hint of disappointment in those big penguin eyes.

 _Probably sad that I'm such a prick… wait, who am I kidding, I'm awesome. Clearly he just wishes I would stay!_

He headed toward the west side of town.

Out in the plains where his airship was parked, Bowser boarded and set course back toward the Mushroom Kingdom on his home planet. As he watched Dream Land fade into the distance, he wondered if he could ever go back there. How would he bring it up? "Missed you guys!" "Just had to come back!" He'd embarrass himself for sure.

This Dedede fellow kept circling back into his mind. Bowser thought they had a fun rapport but the penguin kept getting offended by all his jokes. Why'd he have to be so sensitive? Or did everything sound mean coming from such a hideous creature?

He shook his head. _Don't let those thoughts come back. And remember that you don't need anybody._

* * *

When he got back to his castle the next morning, after having caught some shut-eye in his ship thanks to autopilot, the first thing he did after being greeted by his troops and inundated by information… was to take a dip in his personal hot springs, heated by veins of magma underground.

As he relaxed and let his sore muscles soak, closing his eyes, Bowser's mind wandered, as it tended to do in times of quiet.

 _Man, I acted like an idiot, trying to force myself into that poor penguin's day. Who am I kidding? He didn't want to hang out with me, no matter how fun I convince myself I am… and why would he? Who wants to be around a_ _jerk whose idea of a hobby is wreaking havoc everywhere?_

The king snorted hot smoke from his nostrils _. Wait… what am I thinking? I'm Bowser, I'm the dude, I'm just too edgy for others to understand. Someone with my unique perspective is meant to walk alone. I'm just too_ _much for these weaklings to handle! Yeah, that's it…_

"Your highness?"

 _Drat._ _ **Kamek**_ _. And I was just starting to relax…_

"What is it?" Bowser said, opening one eye half-lidded, reluctant to acknowledge his Magikoopa underling.

"Sire, I've been eager to discuss a new plan with you-"

"Kamek, save it," Bowser said. "Can't you see I'm trying to chill?"

"But I've discovered a weak point in Toadstool's army…"

"Look, I'm not plotting anything at the moment, okay? I need a break!" He shifted and lowered into the water up to his chin.

"Sire, I really must advise-"

"GET LOST!" Bowser snapped. "When I wanna discuss war plans, I'll SUMMON YOU."

Kamek took a step back, shocked by the king's outburst. "Very well then." He turned around and left, grumbling.

Bowser sighed and let his head sink under the water.

* * *

Bowser spent the rest of the evening walking through his castle, making the rounds and greeting all the troops that had missed him for the last few days. No real connection of any depth,, of course. They were subordinates, and besides they were all either scared or indifferent, except for the ones who thought Bowser was the coolest. They usually tried to engage him, but he wasn't really into hanging with his soldiers. Especially when doing so usually earned them resentment from others who thought Bowser was playing favorites.

Torches lined the walls of his keep, red carpet stretched through almost every hallway. He had a drink at the basement bar, one of two places in the castle where he could get inebriated. This one had round wooden tables encircled by stools, and some tasteful lava streams that came out of holes in the walls and emptied into a long basin that trailed along the bottom of each of the grey brick walls.

Bowser attempted to chat up the barkeep, to just connect with somebody and elaborate on his trip, but the bartender was busy serving other patrons, ones who were actually paying.

Eventually the king got up, left a generous tip and headed up to his bedroom.

It was almost as large as the throne room, with a few windows that arched up at the top into a kind of semi-triangular shape. His bed was a "double king", a size that was custom created for his massive frame. Its blankets were scarlet with gold trim on the sides. Red pillowcases. No decorative pillows - those were a stupid idea that only princesses and housewives thought about.

He got out of his shell and shackles, even though the material of the bed was created specifically to withstand the wear and tear his spiked accessories would cause. He put his shackles on top of a small bookshelf, and leaned his shell against a corner wall.

Looking around at his room, he felt a bit like all the extravagance of his castle was wasted. It was only he who could appreciate it. Nobody to enjoy its facilities or decor, no one else to sit in a chair with him or have a drink.

There was a closet full of various outfits that he wore on occasion. It was a bit of a hassle to get dressed with his shell on top of everything, but when the mood struck, he enjoyed playing dressup and assuming a different persona.

He had a mini fridge in another corner, full of various foods, drinks, and a couple of glass bottles of water.

There were also a few lava lamps, of course, but these were specially created with real lava by Kamek, who loathed using his magic for such "mundane things". The lamps were about five feet tall, with long bases. One was purple, another green and yellow, and finally a red one for mood lighting.

Next to the bed were end tables on each side. He kept his reading glasses in the drawer of one.

The king slumped into bed. He got under the blankets and turned off his bedside lamp.

Bowser fell asleep almost the instant his head hit the pillow, plagued by empty dreams for the rest of the night.

* * *

 **DEDEDE**

 _One month later…_

It was a rainy day in Dream Land. Grey clouds covered the sky. Dedede looked out a window in his throne room and frowned. He was so _bored_. Adeleine was holed up working on her paintings, Waddle Dee had gone on a fishing trip, and Kirby… well, he wasn't much of a conversationalist.

He spent some time thinking about his recent visitor. The guy seemed like a jerk, and his intentions and trustworthiness were questionable, but Dedede realized in hindsight that he'd also been his typical defensive self, which could be quite off-putting to somebody who liked to joke around a lot. Dedede regretted not making more of an effort to connect, because now he was alone with nobody around.

Then again, what would he even _say_? "Hey Bowser, I'm lonely, care to take a break from smashing cities and drop in?" He'd most certainly be laughed at.

He thought that maybe someone like Bowser could've brought something genuinely _interesting_ into his life, unlike Dream Land's pastel, cookie-cutter goodie-goodies. Not that he had a _problem_ with his acquaintances, but he never really felt a deep friendship with any of them. He almost felt sometimes as if they just invited him around out of pity, and that they didn't really want to spend time with a king who'd always been a little standoffish.

 _I guess this is what loneliness feels like…_ Dedede thought. _I wish I had someone to talk to..._

Just then, he heard a loud banging coming all the way from the front doors of the castle. It echoed through the empty corridors. Most of Dedede's guards were either sleeping or taking a break. It seemed like rainy days made everyone tired and lazy.

Dedede opened the castle doors and couldn't believe what he saw.

The Koopa king was standing there, drenched in rain, his fiery red hair hanging over half his face. He was shivering.

"About time ya answered the door!"

"B-B-Bowser?" Dedede's jaw dropped. "What are you doing here?"

The turtle-dragon squeezed past the penguin to get inside. "Oh, _Bowser_ , you must be _freezing_ , come in here, I insist!" He mimicked Dedede's voice, but then dropped it when he saw the penguin's face. "...Why do you look so _scared_?"

The penguin realized his blunder. "Sorry. I'm just… _surprised_ to see you again." The mood between the pair had seemed to soften a bit with a month of absence, at least in Dedede's perception.

"What, you think I'd miss a chance to kick your butt at a Gourmet Race?" He wiped his sopping wet mane away from his eyes, pushing it back over the top of his head.

"Oh, but that's not for a few more days… I'm afraid you're early."

"Um, well... I figured it'd be _good_ to get here early, in case any preparations needed making."

Dedede finally noticed the duffel bag slung around Bowser's left shoulder.

"And… where exactly were you planning to _sleep_?" Dedede shut the castle doors to keep out the rain, and turned to face Bowser, standing inside the main entrance hall, which was lit at the moment by blue flame torches, creating a calming scene.

"I, ah, I thought maybe you'd be gracious enough to offer a room to a visiting dignitary." Bowser scuffed the floor with his foot.

"That's quite presumptuous," Dedede quipped. " _What_ makes you think I want you around after the way you acted before?"

"Oh, come on, Deeds, you know that's just my way of bond- I mean, talking, my way of talking. I'm just a rough, tough bad boy and you gotta roll with the punches if you wanna roll with me."

"Who _said_ I want to?" Dedede rolled his eyes.

"That look in your eyes when you saw my handsome mug."

"Oh, here we go again." Dedede walked past and beckoned him. "Come, let's get you dry, you're dripping all over the carpet."

"After running into _me_ , I'm surprised _you're_ not dripping all over the carpet."

Dedede raised his arms, exasperated. "Bowser… just shut your trap."

The Koopa beamed in an adversarial way. "Oooh, feisty! At least you don't seem as annoyed as you did last time." Bowser followed Dedede through the castle.

"Oh, do I look pleased to see you?" Dedede walked in the direction of his study, hiding a smile, passing windows that went rat-tat-tat with the rain. He slowed down until they were walking side by side. "I was bored earlier, but I was just about to call one of my _many_ close friends to make plans to do something. So don't mistake my contentment for familiarity."

Bowser frowned. It appeared he'd thought this would be easier. "Harsh. But you can't hide your true feelings. Clearly, absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

The truth was, Dedede _had_ been thinking about Bowser's silly, unpredictable personality over the past month, but he'd be damned if he'd ever admit that out loud, especially to some guy who was trying to bully the approval out of him.

 _It's funny, it's like he's trying to drag some affection out of me, yet he's given no indication that_ _ **he**_ _likes_ _ **me**_ _. He wants to be the one in control, and I bet he wants a sidekick or some kind of worshipper to obsess over him in a one-sided manner, like one of his troops. Well, it's not happening. If this jerk wants to be friends, then_ _ **he**_ _can make the first move - I'm not gonna embarrass myself like that and act vulnerable over a hunch._

"I think 'fond' is a poor word to describe my feelings toward you." Dedede smirked.

"Right, I should've said 'absence makes the heart yearn harder.' And beat faster. And _flutter_."

"You're outta your mind," Dedede scoffed. "Aren't _you_ the one who flew all the way from another _planet_ just to see little old me? Who's interested in whom?"

Bowser took a step back. "I… ah... that's not…" He let loose a sheepish grin. Maybe Dedede imagined it, or maybe it was the weather, but the Koopa's cheeks looked a little rosy. "Damn, you're sharp with your comebacks today, Deeds - it's almost like you've been preparing for my return."

"The only preparation I did for your return was to change all the locks."

"Ha ha. Very funny. You have a mean streak, you know." Bowser's tail was gently wagging as he walked, despite his mock pouty expression. Was he really enjoying this antagonistic banter?

The Koopa's stomping footsteps carried through the castle. Now and then, a couple of Waddle Dees poked their heads around a corner to see what the noise was. Satisfied that all was in order, they'd then return to their posts.

"So what, you can dish it out but you can't take it?" Dedede said. "If you're so intrigued by me that you're willing to come back here and spend _days_ getting to know me, you gotta be ready to handle my _baaaaad_ side."

"It ain't like I _wanna_ be around you, just had to teach you a lesson in the races, that's all." The Koopa's tone was defensive. "Oh, and I forgot that you're a tough guy like me. Maybe that's why you can't show me any of that affection I know is buried under that grumpy exterior."

"What, did you expect I'd just greet you here with open arms? I mean, we were in each others' presence for all of a _day_ , during which you were like a mosquito I couldn't slap away fast enough."

"Whatever, I can tell you're happy to see me and that you missed having me here, right?" Bowser's toothy smile was for once remarkably sincere.

Dedede said nothing, and kept walking.

"...Right?" Bowser's voice had an unfamiliar sound to it.

The penguin saw Bowser frowning in a reflection in a window. His tail had come to a standstill. _Did I just leave him hanging there? Aw, man, I killed the vibe, didn't I? Oh, I'm such a dolt._

* * *

They got into the study. It was a large, two storey room, with tall bookcases lining every wall, some with sliding ladders attached. A half spiral stairway on each side led up to the second storey. Little waterfalls fell between the bookshelves into small, round, rippling stone pools. Dedede considered it one of the most peaceful places in the kingdom, but then again, he was biased. There were two large, comfy black reading chairs in the middle of the room, with a small table between them that had a lamp, a pen, a notepad and some extra space to put drinks or snacks.

"Wow, Dedede, I gotta say I'm impressed. This looks like a fantastic collection."

"What, like you actually _care_ about books or something?" Dedede started up the steps to the higher floor.

Bowser looked irritated, following him. "I can _read_ , you know. Just cuz I'm brawny don't mean I can't be an intellectual too."

"You definitely don't talk like one," the penguin snickered.

"Oh, get off your high horse. What kind of books do you like to read?"

"Mostly memoirs and stuff like that." He reached the top and approached one of the shelves.

Bowser came up beside him, and waited in silence a few seconds. "...Now, you're supposed to ask me what _I_ read."

"Oh, sorry, I'm still getting used to the idea that you can even spell your name," Dedede said.

"Hey, I read a ton. Mostly nonfiction, so I can learn how stuff works."

Dedede smiled. "Well, good for you. Maybe your next read should be 'how to tell if a guy likes you' because you seem to have the impression that you're _wanted_ around here."

Bowser kept quiet. His pout was back, but it looked less put-on this time… _Did I actually offend him there? I guess I'm being TOO antagonistic now._

Dedede traced a finger along the spine of a brown hardback with gold lettering. "This one here, it's about 27 strategies to crush your opponents in strategic battle. Maybe you're interested."

"Read it. Thrice."

"Oh. Well, what about this one?" He pulled out a volume. " _Royal Relationships: How to Find Companionship While Guarding Your Flank._ "

"Told ya, I ain't looking for companions. I'm already a full package on my own."

"So you didn't come here because you thought I seemed interesting, and wanted someone to talk to?"

"Hell no. Don't flatter yourself."

"Yeah, right. I bet you spent the last month moping around alone, thinking about how fun I could be to spend time with, curious what it was like to know me, _dreaming_ about finally having a buddy… until you couldn't wait any longer and made up this elaborate excuse to come pester me again."

Bowser rolled his eyes, annoyed. "I told you, I have no interest in hanging around anyone, most especially not _you_. I'm just here because I never turn down a challenge, even if it's a lame food race."

"I _didn't_ challenge you. You're just orchestrating reasons to be around me. It's kinda cute, really."

Bowser crossed his arms and looked away, red-faced. "I- I'm doing no such thing!"

"Aw, look who's flustered now."

"Shaddap!"

"Anyway, there's _zero_ chance that a popular king like me would have _any_ urge to pal up with you. If you're trying to make friends, perhaps you should set the bar a little lower."

"When did you get so _mean_? This ain't the Dedede _I_ know."

"When did _you_ become sensitive? Suddenly worried about what I think?"

"I'm _not_ sensitive. It's just a lot of jabs in a row from you…"

"Awwww, the big, bad Koopa King got his feelings hurt, did he? Toughen up."

"Do you have anything to eat or drink?" Bowser spoke gruffly, avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah, I guess I should feed you since you're my guest, however uninvited." Dedede hollered down to the Waddle Dee stationed outside the doors of the study. "Hey, you, make yourself useful and get us some hot cocoa and snacks, whatever's in the fridge is fine! Oh, and a towel for this idiot."

The Waddle Dee ran off, presumably to the kitchen.

"Geez, you're not very nice to your guards," Bowser remarked.

"Evil kings don't have time for wishy washy nonsense like _pleasantries_." Dedede vowed to apologize to that guard later in private.

"Fair enough. I keep forgetting you're a bad guy, because you look and act so much like a goody two shoes."

"I- I do _not_ ," Dedede insisted.

"What's your favorite activity? Filling in coloring books with Adeleine?"

"What's yours? Counting the bricks on your castle wall while the world ignores you?"

"...Ouch."

 _Oops. Clearly hit a nerve there. That sounded a lot less mean in my head._ Dedede started to worry the other king was gonna hate him. Then again, didn't Bowser basically _say_ he hated him already? Besides, apologizing would've just made it awkward.

"Sire, the refreshments you requested."

 _Oh, thank goodness. A distraction from this trainwreck of a conversation._

They walked downstairs, Dedede carrying a pile of books which he set down next to the chairs. He retrieved a white towel, which he slung over his arm, and a silver platter from the Waddle Dee. He thanked him, placing the platter on the table between the chairs.

Bowser lumbered down the stairs slowly and sat down, not saying anything. He didn't look his normal, zestful self. Dedede actually felt bad about his comment, but didn't know how to fix it. Then he thought of something nice he could do, but he wasn't sure if he could execute it without having his head bitten off.

Dedede walked up behind Bowser, who was sitting in the left reading chair, and took the towel and started rubbing it on the turtle's head.

Bowser stiffened. "W-w-what do you think you're doing!?"

"Relax, I'm just drying your hair for you." His hands were a little shaky for some reason, probably because this creature could tear him apart like stale bread if he wanted to. Why else?

"I- I can do it myself!"

Dedede ran the towel through Bowser's wet mane, feeling heat radiating from the Koopa. "I'm sure you can, big boy, but I'm saving you the hassle, and also the risk that you'll poke an eye out with those spiky bracelets."

Bowser was very tense and stiff, but seemed to relax into it after a few moments, settling down in his chair, which Dedede was certain was now ruined from his spiny shell digging into it. "This is really unnecessary," he mumbled.

"Come on, there's tons of nerve endings in the scalp, you gotta be on cloud nine right now. Besides, when's the last time someone even _touched_ you-"

Bowser cut him off with a growl. "I think my hair is dry now, thanks!"

Dedede backed away. "Alright, alright." He realized that now _he_ was the one being overzealous with the insults. He didn't want to be pushed around by Bowser, and he still didn't quite trust him, but he realized he was going overboard and making his guest feel bad, which bothered him.

Bowser slicked back his still somewhat damp hair. He let out a heavy breath, dark smoke billowing from his nostrils.

"A-anyway… I got us some hot cocoa and some cake. Take some."

Bowser silently obliged. Dedede sat across from him and watched him, wide-eyed. "Did they make it good?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

"Good."

Awkward silence.

"Sooooooooo… there's a lot of stuff going on in town right now."

Bowser raised an eyebrow. "Like what."

"Well, um, because of the Gourmet Races coming up, there's various festivals and booths popping up at random times. You never know what's gonna happen. And lots of visitors from all around come to be a part of this annual tradition."

"Yeah?"

"And, there's lots of crazy food to try out, and games to play… have you ever played that one where you use a hammer to try to make the bell go off?"

"Never heard of it."

"Well, we should do that, and also we can-"

Bowser's eyes widened. "Waitwaitwait, slow down. Are you making _plans_ with me?"

Dedede didn't know what to say. "Uh… I mean, there's days before the Gourmet Races begin. I assume you'd want to do something in that time."

"Aren't you busy with, like, kingly duties or something?"

"No, not really. This place pretty much runs itself."

"And instead of one of your friends, you're asking _me_ to come with you? I thought you made it clear you detested my presence." He lifted a leg over his knee.

"W-well, you did come all this way, it'd be rude to just ignore you…" Dedede felt his face getting hot and hoped it wasn't showing. Why did Bowser have to belabor this already uncomfortable moment?

Bowser's expression softened. Dedede saw what looked like genuine warmth in his red eyes.

"Alright, I _guess_ I can indulge you, if you really want me around that bad."

Dedede couldn't maintain eye contact for some reason. He just took a sip of cocoa, hiding a small enthusiastic grin behind it. "Okay. Don't think I'm excited about this or anything. I'm just being polite."

"Well, I thank His Highness for being so thoughtful and including me in the festivities," Bowser said sarcastically. "How blessed be I, to receive such compassion."

Dedede couldn't stifle a giggle. This led to them both bursting out in laughter. The joke wasn't even that funny, it was just their bodies releasing all the tension they'd just built up.

Despite his misgivings about Bowser's intentions, Dedede couldn't help but _want_ to trust the Koopa. Why? Something about him felt very _real_ and relatable to the penguin, but he couldn't place what it was.

Bowser sighed. He sounded tense. "This cocoa is… pretty decent. Okay fine, I'm enjoying it. Cake's nice, too. My Koopa chefs can prepare some pretty choice delicacies..." Bowser had the look of someone who wanted to finish his sentence, but stopped himself.

"Oh, can they?"

"Yeah. If… if you ever want-"

"What?" Dedede asked.

"N-nothing…" He stuffed his face with cake.

Dedede picked up one of the books he'd brought and leafed through it. "This is one of my favorites. It's about this bird general who flew around in a massive warship."

"Sounds kinda badass." Bowser's interest was piqued.

Dedede went on. "It talks about how he moved his way up in the ranks, and his downfall, which actually involved Kirby, believe it or not."

"Really? That pink basketball took down a _flying warship_?"

"I was as surprised as you when I found out."

"Wow. What about the general?"

"Faded into obscurity."

"Oh… that's depressing."

"Yeah, sometimes being the bad guy isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"Tell me about it."

Dedede gave him a puzzled look.

"I- I mean, I'm pretty successful, but most of the villains I know are always getting their asses handed to them by some dumb do-gooder wannabe heroes."

"Screw heroes," Dedede said halfheartedly. "Into the darkness with them!"

"What?"

"I dunno, it sounded like something a villain would say!"

"Villainy is clearly not something that comes natural for you."

"Yeah it is, you don't gotta keep insinuating that I'm soft!"

Bowser gave him a once-over. His expression was hard to pin down, but almost bordered on… admiration? No, that couldn't be right. "Actually… I think 'soft' is the _perfect_ word to describe you, Dedede."

"Hey! What do you mean by that!?"

"Nothing…" Bowser broke eye contact and smiled cutely. Well, as cute as a guy like he could be.

 _Why am I finding his demeanor cute right now?_ Dedede wondered. _That can't be normal. Maybe I need to see a doctor. Or maybe he's acting a certain way to try to draw me in._

"Anyway, I think you're trying to disregard my badness because you feel I'm a threat."

That made Bowser laugh out loud. Dedede scowled. "What's so funny?"

Between chuckles, Bowser replied, "You… a threat… to ME? That's _rich_."

"It's the truth."

"Let's get one thing straight," Bowser said, leaning in close. "I am the alpha. I am the scary one. If anybody should feel threatened, it's you, my adorable little bad boy wannabe."

"D-don't talk to me that way! I'll beat you up!"

"Haha, you, scrapping with me? That's comedy _gold_. I'm a fighter. I've been to Smash tournaments. I've invaded kingdoms."

"I could _totally_ take you." Dedede put on a smug expression.

"In your dreams." Bowser stood up, an evil smile on his lips. "But if you really wanna find out…"

The penguin lost his grin. "Uhhhhh… and how… _how_ do you think you'd… overpower me?" Dedede practically squeaked, shrinking back in his chair.

"Well, let's see…" Bowser's tail started wagging, a mischievous look on his face. He stepped closer, his tummy almost in the penguin's face. "First… I'd give you the ol' one-two, like _this_ ," Bowser said, pantomiming punching Dedede on each cheek, but very gently.

Dedede felt like the heat in the room had been raised at least ten degrees.

Then, Bowser softly tapped the sides of the penguin's face with his palms, a few times, making Dedede's head tilt back and forth. "Slap you around a little bit, get you real nervous and dazed."

Make that twenty degrees.

Bowser quickly came around behind Dedede's seat. "Then, I'd grab you in a chokehold." In one swift motion, the Koopa lifted him up by the throat with his forearm, but taking care not to hurt the penguin.

"H-hey…" Dedede half-heartedly protested, trying to escape. He was standing on the chair now. _Wow, his arms are_ _ **big**_ _._

"By the time you realize how powerful I am, that you're no match for my raw strength, it's too late." Holding the penguin king in his arms from behind, he leaned in and lowered his voice to a rumbly growl. "Then, I'd wrestle you down to the floor."

"You d-don't have to demonstrate-"

Bowser dragged Dedede off the chair, knocking it over, and tugged him backward and down toward the carpet, using all of his weight. The bird tried to pull back upward, but eventually sank to the ground, back against the Koopa's belly.

Dedede shifted and tried to escape the big turtle's hold, but after rolling around a bit, found himself face down on the floor, with Bowser on top of his back, restraining him.

Bowser breathed heavily. He said and did nothing, just held the bird down and shifted his body around to keep him in place. Bowser's torso started to move in a circular, rhythmic motion against him, which for some reason made Dedede feel dizzy and lightheaded, his brain going into overdrive.

 _My heart is beating out of my chest… He's so warm… The scales on his arms are kind of scratchy and rough, but his belly is quite soft. I can feel his body rumbling all over me... Oh no, what have I done? Is this what he was planning all along? And he tricked me and took me down without even a fight on my part!_

Dedede closed his eyes, chin to the carpet. The silence was deafening. Finally he panted, "And… what... next?"

" _Your highness_! Oh dear, let us help you!"

Dedede opened his eyes and saw three Waddle Dees rushing in with spears.

Dedede choked, his voice being uncooperative at the moment. "It's… it's okay! Everything is fine here!"

Bowser got up off him. "Just a little play fight… didn't you guys ever do that when you were kids?"

"Erm… are you sure you're safe being alone with this guy, Your Highness?" said one of the Waddle Dees.

Dedede stood up, brushing off his robe. He looked at Bowser. "Probably."

"Well, if you need us, don't hesitate to shout," said another guard, and with that, they left the room.

Dedede coughed. "Did you really need to show me your moves first hand?"

Bowser snorted out hot air. "They say it's better to show and not tell. You would've kept talking big and disbelieving me if I hadn't. And besides, all that sugar makes it hard to sit still."

"My guards must think I'm a _weakling_ now." Dedede shook his head.

"Welllllllll… you barely even put up a fight, Deeds." Bowser stopped for a moment, a sly smile forming. "You're a little submissive, aren't you?"

Dedede turned bright red. "ABSOLUTELY NOT! I WAS JUST SHOCKED, THAT'S ALL!"

Bowser chuckled in a cocky, evil manner. "Whatever you say."

Dedede's heart took a while to slow down. "I thought you'd been lying in wait to strike, and you finally had me where you wanted. Are you just here to plan a sneaky takeover, and catch me unaware?"

The Koopa raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?"

"I dunno." Dedede sighed. "You're an enigma, Bowser. Every time I think I understand you, I'm surprised again.

"Well… if you'll believe me, I'm 80 percent sure I'm not planning anything naughty toward you."

"80 PERCENT!?"

"Let's keep that little brain of yours guessing, shall we?"

Bowser's smile was a picture of smugness.

"You're _infuriating_." Dedede couldn't look at him.

"Oh, come on, you _know_ I'm irresistible. If not, then you would've had me dragged out of your castle by now, wouldn't you? Admit it, you're curious about me. Intrigued. A little excited by my dangerousness."

Dedede didn't answer. How did this guy get under his skin so easily?

Bowser laughed, back to his confident self. "I _know_ you like me…"


	4. Courtyard Contemplation

**[Author's note: Well, chapter 4 complete! It's a shorter one than the last, but the next chapter is much longer again. In this one, we get to see Bowser and Dedede try to communicate a bit more instead of just guessing about one another... Let's see if they're actually successful.]**

* * *

 **BOWSER**

After righting the reading chair that he'd helped knock over during their kerfuffle, Bowser, following Dedede, left the study and went out into a courtyard. Their unspoken agreement was that they needed some fresh, cool air after that little workout.

"Rain's almost finished," Dedede observed.

Bowser held out a palm. "Yeah. It's just drizzling now. I don't mind this, as long as it's not pouring."

The courtyard was filled with flowers and topiaries, glistening with raindrops from the recent shower. The sky was a misty grey haze, getting darker by the second.

 _I feel so alive right now. Why? My blood is pumping like lava through my veins, the air is damp and clean and absolutely delicious, and I honestly think I could run a marathon. This is a nice change from how I've felt for… well, longer than I want to think about. For once, things aren't dreary._

"So… I heard the weather is supposed to be better tomorrow." Dedede's voice broke Bowser out of his thoughts.

"Yeah?" His tail curled up a bit, and he pretended to look around the courtyard, when he was really just waiting to hear whatever was coming next, hesitant to interrupt.

"Do you… do you wanna go see what's new in town? I don't think you had a chance to even explore the first time you came here."

"Well, I'm sure it's all a bunch of kid-rated overenthusiastic fluff," Bowser said, "But eh, why not." _Good. Keepin' it cool._ He was actually wondering what the town and surrounding areas were like, but getting all riled up about that kinda thing was dorky. Right?

Dedede had an anxious expression. Bowser wondered what was on his mind.

"You'd be surprised what's on offer," the penguin replied. "I- I actually find it... fun."

Bowser found himself at a loss for words. _Why isn't my mouth responding to my brain?_

Dedede coughed and shuffled in position. "Maybe you _won't_ , though. No, of _course_ you wouldn't wanna go to our boring old festivals. There's an archery range in the mountains, might be more up your alley since you're stuck here for a few more days. You could go look into that, archery, I mean, or something else that's entertaining while I go make the rounds with the townsfolk. They kind of expect me to be there. At least, I think they do."

"Dedede, I…"

"Really. It's okay. Don't feel bad. Anyway, you're welcome to one of the many guest rooms, I can show you-"

"Dedede! Lemme talk for a sec. Quit interrupting, ya knob." Bowser cleared his throat. "I… well, I think your thing sounds fun. Don't get me wrong, I think archery would be great sometime, but uh, as for right now, let's festival it up."

"Just because you're my guest doesn't mean you _have_ to go along with-"

"Yeeesh, will ya let me _finish_? I hate that you're making me spell it out, but I _want_ to do your thing with you."

"Really?"

"You don't gotta act puzzled."

"It's just…"

"Can you do me a favor and just _believe me_ for once when I'm trying to be real?" Bowser was getting frustrated.

It was getting darker outside and that made it harder to read the penguin's face. "Now _you're_ the one interrupting."

"I mean, is it that unbelievable that I can be a nice guy at least _sometimes_?"

"Well, yeah!" Dedede said.

Bowser lowered his eyelids, suddenly feeling very exhausted.

Dedede must have noticed this, because the next time he spoke, he said, "Okay, that was a bad joke for me to make."

"Is it that hard to trust me?" Bowser monotoned, choosing to let the statement sound like it meant nothing to him. Just another random thought.

"I mean… we're both evil kings. Don't evil kings always try to backstab and one-up each other? Isn't caution par for the course?"

"Or, they could bond over their shared interest of dominating worlds. Recklessness charts a much more fun course than caution. Just think of what we could accomplish if we put our heads together. As far as plotting the downfall of empires, I mean. Not, like, anything else really..." Bowser felt like he was on display at a museum.

"So how do I know you don't want to destroy _my_ empire?"

"Well, you're at least 80 percent certain, right?"

"Oh, I'd rate it lower than that. Why do you even _care_ if I trust you?" Dedede asked.

"I don't. I really _don't_. You're getting the wrong idea, bud." Bowser turned around to head inside. "It's getting a little chilly."

* * *

 **DEDEDE**

 _I don't know what it is with this guy,_ the penguin thought, _But I always feel like I'm saying the wrong thing. Am I that tactless, or is he just making me feel so nervous that I can't act properly?_

Dedede passed under stone arches, lantern light shining in his eyes, and made his way back inside the castle, just behind the Koopa. Night had fallen as they'd spoken outside.

They stopped moving in the middle of a corridor with some big windows tinted with dark rain, still not dried from the afternoon.

"So, Bowser, about your room…"

"It's okay, I can sleep on a couch or something."

"No, it's just… don't take this the wrong way, but I want to give you the room with the cheapest bed, because no doubt your… spiked implements will have an impact on the durability of the mattress." Dedede wrung his hands, feeling offensive.

"Yo, dude, you think these don't come off?" Bowser unhooked his shackles one by one, all five of them - first the wrists, then the shoulders, then the neck. He placed each of them on a nearby windowsill.

Dedede felt like he should speak, but couldn't think of a single word.

"Do you want me to take off my shell now, too?" Bowser's face was unreadable.

"N-n-no, no, no, that isn't necessary!" Dedede blinked rapidly. "Unless you… want to…"

"Get nackers in front of a total stranger? No, but it wouldn't be the first time."

"Uh…"

"What, cat got your tongue?"

Dedede's face kept burning up. It felt like little pins were poking him all over. "I mean, what do you _want_ me to say? Your call if you want to be an exhibitionist, but at least let me warn the guards first, since they already think you're crazy."

This made Bowser chuckle. Dedede was glad to see it, for some reason. But then Bowser's face slowly gave in to a disappointed look. "Where's that sense of humor been? I couldn't hear it over all the insults you've hurled at me."

" _Okay,_ maybe I sometimes assume you're worse than you claim to be."

"And maybe sometimes _I_ assume that you're a snob."

" _What_? I'm anything _but_ snobby!"

"Don't make me laugh again, geez, you're on a _roll_ tonight, Dedede!"

" _How_ am I stuck up? Elaborate."

"What, like you're open for critique now or something? Well, that's a change. You talk like you're some saint sent from the clouds and I'm this… friggin' _commoner_ or something."

Dedede kept his mouth shut. Clearly it was better that way. He picked up Bowser's shackles.

"What are you doing?" Bowser asked.

"Follow me. I'll bring you to the deluxe guest suite, as long as you promise not to sleep in your shell and ruin the mattress."

"I'm not tired!"

"I _am_. Once I show you where to go to sleep, you can wander around the castle all night for all I care. I'll tell the guards to leave you alone."

"But-"

"Come on. Let's go."

Bowser walked behind him obediently. Not a word was shared between the two until they reached the guest bedroom.

The room was ornate, silver and navy, a striking combination, in the penguin's opinion. Dedede placed Bowser's spiked bracelets in a dresser drawer.

"Where are your quarters? Just curious."

"They're in the East Hall."

"And this is?"

"The West Hall."

"So on the opposite side of the castle, then."

"Yup. I'll have a guard grab your duffel bag from the study for you. Anyway, night." Dedede waved halfheartedly.

"Good night…"

Dedede closed the door behind him. It clicked shut quietly. He exhaled loudly and started to walk the long journey to his room.

* * *

 **BOWSER**

 _This was such a stupid idea. Just like all your ideas. Now you're here for days of simmering awkwardness._

A knock came at the door.

"Come in," Bowser said. _Is that Dedede again?_

The door opened and he looked down to see a Waddle Dee entering, dragging Bowser's duffel, with sweat beading around his face… or body… or whatever.

"Your-" the guard stopped to pant before retrying, "Your items."

"Thanks," Bowser said.

"Let me know if I can be of any assistance." It sounded fake. The Waddle Dee left, pulling the door shut behind him. Bowser noticed an almost hidden little lever at the bottom of the door as it closed.

 _I was wondering how they reached the doorknobs around here,_ the Koopa king mused. _They have their own baby door handles!_

Bowser looked around the room.

There was an armoire. One window. A small closet and a couple of chairs he'd never even dream could fit around his rear end. A tall vase housed a fern-like plant.

" _Deluxe" my ass. He just wanted to be as far away from my unsettling self as possible. Probably thinks I'm gonna assassinate him in his sleep._

On the ceiling, which was vaulted, there was a painted galaxy, with hundreds of detailed-looking stars. The artist Dedede commissioned for it must have spent weeks working on this piece, by Bowser's guess.

 _Okay, that's pretty cool though. Especially with the silver and dark blue theme._

His stomach rumbled, just the kick he needed to un-zone out. Bowser realized all he'd eaten in the last 12 hours was that cake slice earlier.

He looked around the castle for the kitchen.

In the fridge, he found some leftover quiche. He gently blew flames at it until it was heated up to his liking.

 _Spinach and cheese. It isn't bad at all._

Bowser leaned his butt against a counter, eating with a fork he'd found in one of the drawers. He started to wonder if he should just leave now, while everybody was sleeping. Cut his losses.

But he couldn't. He didn't know why.


	5. Festivities

**[Author's note: Hello and welcome to chapter 5! This one was really enjoyable to write. I got to do a lot more dialogue and setting work this time around.]**

* * *

 **DEDEDE**

"Bowser? Are you up?"

"...Yeah, come in."

The morning sky was overcast outside the window.

"Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, this bed is comfortable." Bowser already had on his shell and his sharp accessories.

"Have you been up for a while?"

"Yeah. Just couldn't sleep _much_."

"If you wanna take a nap…"

"Nah, I prefer to start the day whenever I wake."

"Coffee, then? Breakfast?"

Bowser smiled softly. "You had me at coffee."

* * *

"How do you take it?" Dedede's personal chef asked Bowser.

"Black. How else?"

"At least we agree on something," the penguin king said. They were seated at a modestly-sized table, catty-cornered with one another, in one of the castle's more quaint dining areas. It was a medium room without much decoration to distract from the act of feeding.

"So what's the plan for today?" Bowser asked, watching the yellow cook, wearing an apron and hat, fill his cup with caffeine.

"Oh, y-you still wanted to go?"

Bowser's mouth curled downward a bit. "Well if you don't, it's fine, I don't-"

"I wasn't saying that. Let's do this."

The chef placed a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon, and another plate stacked with pancakes on the table.

"Thanks, Kawasaki."

The chef nodded and saw himself out.

"Dig in," Dedede said.

The pair were as different as could be. Dedede ate in small, measured bites, while Bowser practically breathed in his food like Kirby.

Bowser took a big glug of his java. "Headache cure if I ever saw one."

"Yeah. So I was thinking… we can head into town, see what's up, and if it's boring-"

"I'm sure it'll be more than amusing. Yo, can you pass me the carafe?"

Dedede obliged. Bowser took more coffee.

The penguin poured some more syrup on his pancakes and bacon. He wasn't much for eggs, but he figured Bowser might like them, which appeared to be true from the way he gobbled them down. Everything he did, even eating, the Koopa did with gusto, it seemed.

When they were finished, they both sighed, bloated from the day's first meal. Dedede stretched in his chair.

" _Sure_ we can't take a nap?"

"What, like, together?"

"No, is that what you had in mind?" He was getting better at keeping his cool with these jokes.

"You _do_ kinda look like a big, soft, fluffy pillow. I could lay on you and probably fall asleep."

Never mind. "That's- that's _not_ happening."

"Can I at least pluck your feathers to stuff MY pillow?"

"Can I borrow some of your scales? I need a new wallet."

"Good one, jerkface." Bowser grinned, leaning back in his chair.

They both sat silent for a few moments, content.

"Well, let's get a move on," Dedede said.

* * *

The sky was a muted white as it waited for the clouds to clear. The walk from the castle into town was less than five minutes. Dedede couldn't help smiling a bit when he saw everyone setting up market stands and tents, despite the ground and air still being a little wet.

"King Dedede! Hello!" A man's voice called from underneath an awning, where he had a fruit stand set up.

Dedede walked over. "Morning, Papaya." The man looked like a thinner version of Chef Kawasaki, but with hollowed out eyes and a mustache.

"Who's your friend?"

Dedede looked at the Koopa, who simply waited for him to speak. "Bowser. He's from the Koopa Kingdom."

"Nice to meet ya, Bowser. Hey, since you're new, I'll give you a little welcoming present. Take something. Whatever you want."

"Uh, okay…" Bowser hesitated on a decision, finally picking up a grapefruit.

"I'll let you two get on with the show. Be sure to check out Wanda's art display."

"Oh yeah, I forgot she was doing a sculpture this year." Dedede nodded. "Later, Papaya."

"Thanks," Bowser said.

Dedede walked them through the crafts section. "I like all the little things people make here."

He looked at Bowser, who was busy trying to peel his grapefruit with the tips of his claws. A lone spray of juice hit him in the face.

"Some of this is tacky though," Bowser said, glancing around.

"I don't mean I want it in my castle," Dedede quickly added. "I just think it's nice to see people expressing themselves."

"As long as they express themselves in an approved way, right?"

Dedede paused. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothin'. Let's go see this art show." Bowser walked ahead.

Dedede got the sense that Bowser's comment was a dig at him not accepting the Koopa's personality. _This again? I thought I was being nice…_

He sighed and followed along.

Pretty soon they got to a large circular area, with tents and drapery all over the place. At the back was one of the castle walls, one that extended out over the moat. Varied and strange art pieces and supplies were scattered about.

There was Adeleine, working studiously on her canvas. She was painting a garden that looked remarkably real. It almost felt like it could jump out of the page, and that was actually a distinct possibility, given her painting "skills".

"Hey, Adeleine," Dedede said.

She turned around. "Hi Dedede!" Then she saw his royal acquaintance.

" _Bowser_!" Adeleine looked overjoyed. She quickly put down her tools and ran over to embrace him.

 _No one's ever that happy to see me,_ the penguin thought.

"Um," Bowser coughed, reddening, "Suuuuup."

"We missed you!" Adeleine pulled away, keeping her hands on the Koopa's arms.

"'We'?" Bowser said.

"Of course! Waddle Dee, Kirby, Dedede and myself."

"What's this about ol' King D missing me?"

Dedede saw the smirk on Bowser's face and frowned. "Adeleine, what are you talking about? I never said I missed him."

"You didn't have to. I could see it. You've been forlorn and quiet all month, and the moment I saw you today, you looked anxious, but also more energetic than usual." She was very energetic herself.

"I just had two coffees…" Dedede looked at Bowser, who had a smug, but fond expression. "What are you looking at?"

"Missed you too," Bowser said with a wink.

Dedede overheated. "Shut up! Don't make assumptions based on the word of a young, naive artiste!"

"Does he always boil over like a kettle?" Bowser asked the painter.

"Yeah, he's a grumpy one." Adeleine even managed to sound like a sweetheart when she was being rude.

Bowser laughed. "It's _so_ fun pushing his buttons, ain't it?"

"I'M RIGHT HERE!" Dedede squawked.

Adeleine appeared to remember something. "Oh, Bowser, I'd like you to meet someone."

She led him over to a metal sculpture about seven feet tall. At the bottom of it was a small Waddle Doo girl kneeling, working on it. She wore a pink sun hat. There was a folding ladder off to the side.

"Bowser, this is Wanda. She is the most talented sculptor I've had the privilege of meeting."

"Oh Adeleine, flattery will get you everywhere. That means a lot, coming from an artist of your caliber." Wanda chuckled. Her voice had a strange, reverberating quality to it.

"A Waddle Dee with only one eye?" Bowser was taken aback. "I think I saw another little guy like you…"

"I'm a Waddle _Doo_ , and you better watch your mouth or I'll shoot electricity at ya. It's what we do best."

Bowser took a step back. "Duly noted."

They looked at the sculpture. Dedede couldn't pretend to understand it - it was a bunch of sharp metal shapes welded together, an eyesore in a place like Dream Land where almost everything was round.

"Sick installation you got there," Bowser offered. "Are you selling it?"

"No, this is a personal piece," Wanda said. "But I take commissions once in a while. I'll give you my business card later, when my hands are free."

"So what's up, Wanda?" Dedede had been quiet standing behind the other two.

"Oh, heyyyyy, KD, I didn't see you there! I'm just putting the finishing touches on this. Whaddya think?"

He gave it a once-over. "It's really… unique!"

"Yeah, everyone seems to dig it. I told them to keep the kids away from it though. Sharp edges and all."

"It's unlike anything I've seen in this town. You really have a creative spirit." Dedede smiled warmly, even though he had no idea how to look at this kind of art.

"Aw, stop! I told you, I'm single for life! I'm married to my craft, unfortunately."

Dedede turned pink again. "I- I didn't-"

"Chill out, KD. I'm just messin' with ya."

Bowser snorted. "I think you and I will get along just fine, Wanda."

Dedede rolled his eyes. "Is everyone gonna start singling me out for abuse again?"

"But you're so fun to abuse," Bowser said.

"Hey, after this, how about we all get a drink?" Wanda suggested. "I mean, Adeleine, you'll have to drink juice or something, but…"

"Hold up," Bowser said, eyes wide… "There are _pubs_ here?"

Wanda regarded him quizzically. "Well, yeah, what do we look like, a bunch of stuffed toys?"

Silence. Then she and Bowser started to laugh.

"Drinking this early? Are you alright, Wanda?" Dedede said.

"I must chime in that I don't understand this, either," Adeleine scratched her head through her cap.

"What's wrong with day drinking?" Bowser said. "Not like I'm planning to get sloshed."

"Pffft, don't mind them," Wanda said. "They're just a pair of goodie-two-shoes."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Wanda!" Dedede huffed. "I'm just concerned, that's all!"

"Well, I'm a big girl. I don't need you worrying over me. I get my best inspiration when I'm buzzed." She got up. "All done."

"So, we going?" Bowser said.

"Right now?" Dedede asked. "We haven't even looked at everything."

"There'll be time for that later," Wanda said. "Now, we inhabit the liminal space between setting up… and more than twelve people being around. It's kinda dead this early. When it warms up we'll be quite busy. It's better to participate when things are more lively, and there are people to discuss the stuff with."

"Alright, you have a point," Dedede agreed.

"So, Adeleine, you gonna come with?"

"Oh, I'll catch up in a bit. I just want to work a bit more on this painting before I can call it complete."

"Thatta girl," Wanda said, in her echoey voice. "Just don't dawdle too long. We're not gonna drink all morning."

They left, walking toward the closest watering hole, a little classy bar called The Grape Garden.

"Is this all wine?" Bowser asked.

"They have hops available. It's just that wine is their specialty," Wanda explained.

"Cool."

Dedede hung back, walking behind them. He felt excluded but he didn't know what to talk about. He wasn't on the same level as those two.

 _I feel like the kid who eats alone in the school cafeteria, while Bowser and Wanda discuss which locker to shove me into…_

* * *

They found themselves seating at the bar counter. Bowser was on the left, at the corner of the bar, with Wanda sitting between him and Dedede.

There was nobody else there this early, except some senior citizens in a corner having brunch.

Bowser ordered a "black and blue", which Dedede discovered was some kind of a mix of a beer and something else… maybe another beer? He wasn't really listening.

Wanda ordered some red wine.

"Is that a good one?" Dedede asked.

"It's different. I kind of enjoyed it last time I tried it, so I figured… why not?"

The server acknowledged Dedede.

"Um, I'll get a glass of water…"

The other two looked at him sideways.

"... And whatever she's having." He gestured to Wanda's glass.

"Deeds, well done." Bowser said. "Thought you were gonna be boring."

"Yeah, well, I'm not boring, believe it or not!" That came out sounding quite defensive. Dedede cleared his throat. "I enjoy red wine now and again."

"What about white?" Wanda asked.

"Bleh," Dedede answered. Wanda nodded.

"Cheers…" Wanda raised her glass. "... To new friendships."

They all clinked their glasses, Bowser quite aggressively.

"Careful, there, big boy," Wanda joked. "You break it, you buy it."

"Sometimes I just forget my own strength…" Bowser smiled coolly.

"Hey, KD. How'd you meet this goof?"

Dedede blinked, somehow not expecting to be addressed. "I, ah… He kind of just… dropped in on me one day. About a month ago. Said he was looking for planets to conquer. So we went for a picnic."

Wanda giggled. "That's so random!"

"Yeah, and little ol' Dedede was his usual snappy self, taking every joke I made so seriously. I think he blushed more than a bride at her wedding!"

"Ha HAAAAAA, of course. Good ol' KD." Wanda gave him a loving punch on the arm.

"Here we go, everyone's gonna gang up on me now, I suppose."

"Oh, lighten up. If you weren't such an easy target, no one would even bother. Besides, we're just ribbing you 'cause we love ya. Isn't that right, Bowser?"

The Koopa looked over at the other side of the bar, mumbling, "I wouldn't go _that_ far."

"Hey now, don't be mean to our silly penguin king. He's still a king, and I dunno about you, but he's earned my respect through his consistent actions. He's always ready to be part of the community, even when everyone ignores him."

 _Even when everyone ignores me? So she notices it, too. Oh, this is humiliating._

"What I mean is," Wanda continued, "Dedede often gets the cold shoulder from people who either think he's above talking to them, or who believe that because he's royalty, they HAVE to treat him differently than a regular old pal. Surely you can relate to that on some level, eh, Bowser?"

"I guess you could say it's not a foreign concept to me," Bowser finally said, after a long pause.

They all became quiet again. Dedede mused on what the Koopa had just said.

"Hiiiiiii everyone!"

They all swiveled around in their seats. It was Adeleine.

"Glad you made it," Wanda said. "Hey, Dedede, sit next to Bowz over here."

Dedede put down his wine glass. "Why?"

"Because I wanna talk shop with little Addie here, and you're kind of a brick wall blocking whoever sits beside you."

"Alright, fine." He didn't know why he felt nervous again, all of a sudden. He got up and walked over a few inches and hopped up onto Wanda's seat.

The girls sat together, next to them, and were instantly chatting up a storm, while the bartender brought their new guest a hot cup of ginger tea.

Dedede eyed Bowser. His features were faint in the darkness of the bar. He looked pensive, holding his drink in his hand and taking a sip here and there.

"Um… how are you enjoying things so far?"

"Better than I expected. Wanda is a treat."

"Yeah, she's great…" Dedede felt an inexplicable wave of sadness.

"Seriously. You got cool friends. I dunno why you were so insistent on bringing _me_ along.

"You can be cool occasionally," Dedede suggested. "Not that often, though."

Bowser laughed. He took a swig of his beverage, finishing it. "Yo, barkeep, another?"

"Aren't you going a little fast there?" Dedede asked.

Bowser shook his head. "Nah. Look at me, I'm a heavyweight. Takes like three beers just to catch a buzz."

"Ah." Dedede was already feeling a little tipsy from half a glass of wine.

"You look off. What's wrong? ...Am I annoying you again?"

"No, uh, nothing's wrong."

Bowser turned away, not looking convinced. The server placed his second drink on a coaster, and the Koopa nodded to him.

Dedede zoned out, not knowing what to say. He listened to the girls talking.

"So it was inspired by that winter?"

"Yes. Something about the muffled, snowy peacefulness made me want to produce a conflict. Something jarring."

"That's interesting."

"Your garden picture, it looks so familiar. The detail is incredible."

"I painted a courtyard of Castle Dedede from memory.

"From _memory_? Addie, you never fail to surprise me. I'm still in awe of that outer space thing you did in his guest room."

Dedede heard Bowser chime in excitedly, the Koopa spinning in his chair to face them, leaning to the side to look past the penguin.

" _You_ did that, Adeleine? That's _crazy_! How long did it take you?"

"Oh, a couple of weeks. I'd go in for a few hours, eat with Dedede, and then go back to work."

"You're a prodigy. Holy crap."

"Bowser, you're too nice!" Adeleine beamed. "I do admit to being a little proud of that effort."

"Well, ya should be." Bowser leaned back in and toward Dedede. "Wow, she really did that? You commissioned her?"

"Yeah. I can tell you're impressed, because you aren't even pretending to be aloof about it."

"I'm just in a good mood, okay?"

"I'm glad _they_ lifted your spirits so much." Dedede hoped the tone of his voice didn't carry the envy he felt.

 _Why am I even jealous? It's the same as everywhere else. I get overshadowed by much cooler people._

Bowser just looked at him and then turned around to face the bar again, taking a sip of his new drink.

* * *

After they all exited The Grape Garden, Adeleine and Wanda left, to attend to the outdoor gallery and answer questions.

Dedede was alone with Bowser again.

 _UGH. Why is he so much cooler than me… the stylish way he does things… his casual way of talking… everybody loves him and he doesn't even have to try! I'm sure they'd forget about **me** in a week if I just disappeared._

Dedede was watching Bowser do the hammer challenge. You had to hit a pressure plate at the bottom of a tall fixture. The force of your swing would send a weight moving upward, and the goal was to make the weight hit the bell up at the top as hard as possible.

Bowser slammed down the mallet that the game's supervisor, a Cappy (mushroom person) with a baseball cap (which seemed redundant), had given him. The weight went soaring up at a remarkable speed, making the sound of the bell carry across the vicinity.

 _He's even good at this! I'll never hit it that hard…. Oh, look at me, caring this much about being taken seriously. How juvenile can I be..._

"Your turn," Bowser said.

Dedede took out his own hammer and nervously slammed it down. It hit the top, but with a much quieter ding.

"Man, even with your own special mallet, you're still no good at this game, compared to me," Bowser teased.

 _He's clearly better at everything I thought I was good at. Probably even reads faster. What a joke. He's gonna figure out how unremarkable I am, and never come back here. Then again, maybe he will come back… to see everyone **else**._

Bowser must have noticed Dedede's expression, because he mumbled, "You were still pretty decent, though…"

"Hey, King Dedede!" A younger Cappy hopped over to him.

"Mr. Popular, are we?" Bowser said.

"I mean, I'm sure when you go to Koopa Town or whatever, everyone knows your name," Dedede pointed out. "Hey, Zuzu."

"I just wanted to tell you that my mom's baking brownies, and she's going to drop them off at your castle later, to thank you for helping us build that gazebo in the park."

"Ah, well, tell your mother that I'll eat them in secret, because they're too good to share!"

"Bye, Dedede! Have fun! Check out my dad's booth!"

Dedede waved. He smiled at last. Then it dropped, when he turned and saw Bowser watching him with an amused expression, arms crossed.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

The Koopa rumbled and said, "Evil king my _ass_. You're one of the _good guys_."

"No, um, what he didn't tell you was that I built the gazebo with spikes in the floor."

"I really don't care. Just as long as you know who's the toughest around here. I'm not gonna take advantage of your goodness, or plot to kill ya. Probably."

Dedede gulped. It was probably a joke, though. Right? "I've done a lot of bad things."

"Did you happen to be possessed by an otherworldly darkness when you did these bad things?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I was chatting with Adeleine while you were spaced out at the bar."

"Well… really, I'm a total badass, I swear!"

"I _can't_ believe you're still on this. Okay, fine, I'll take your word for it. Dunno _how_ you could pass for 'bad' when you're so freakin' _cute_ …"

They both paused.

"Uhhhhh," Bowser said quickly, "Cute like a plush toy. That's what I meant to say."

Dedede blushed, angry and confused. "I'm not cute. I'm not _soft_. I'm a big, frightening threat… and you should watch your back, _Bowser_."

The Koopa turned pink now, tail wagging. "Haha, whatever you say!"

* * *

 **BOWSER**

The pair walked around a bit more. They'd done pretty much everything, and it was midafternoon now.

 _Kinda glad the ladies are handling their business right now. I think Dedede felt left out when I was talking to them, the poor guy. Which is super adorable, if he actually cared that I wasn't focused on him. I get the sense that he doesn't get the attention he deserves from many people around here._

Bowser closed his eyes tightly, then reopened them. _What am I daydreaming about? This is silly._

Dedede sighed. "I don't really enjoy crowds. We've pretty much seen it all at this point. Want to move somewhere quieter?"

"Yeah, I'm tired of walking, and the sun is beating down on me when I'm already filled with fire."

"Filled with fire?" Dedede asked.

"Are you a penguin or a parrot?" Bowser lightly punched his chest as the bird shot him a dirty look.

 _Ooh, his chest full of feathers... actually IS pretty… soft…_

The Koopa snapped out of it. "Watch this."

Bowser pivoted his head upward and spit flames into the air above. A few passers-by gawked as they saw it.

Dedede gasped. "Holy cow! That's sooooo badass!"

Bowser grinned smugly. "Just like everything about me."

Dedede looked like he was hurt by that comment, which made no sense.

"So where did you wanna go then? Back to the castle?" Bowser scratched his arm.

"I have a better idea. It's become too nice out to stay cooped up indoors."

Bowser had to agree. The clouds had all but left the sky, letting the sun shine its light on the town.

Dedede beckoned and Bowser followed.

* * *

They got to the top of a steep climb and went around the back corner of the castle. The land was rugged all around it, but still green.

"If I knew you were gonna make me climb a hill again, I would've refused."

"I don't believe you. Once you see this little grotto you'll change your mind."

Sure enough, as they turned the corner Bowser saw an extra set of stone walls extending from the castle. Within them were planted a variety of coniferous trees, and plenty of flowers. There was a pool of water teeming with koi fish. A couple stone benches were around, as well.

"The outer courtyard," Dedede explained. "My little hideaway."

They sat down on a soft, grassy patch of ground.

"You like your little… relaxing spaces, don't you."

"Well, doesn't everyone?"

"Yeah…"

 _Would he even enjoy going to MY castle? It's all dark and fiery, and all the stuff I set up that I think is cool… well, he'd probably think of it as over the top. Or too foreboding. He isn't a crazy bad guy like me, that's for sure. His castle is so understated and kind and quiet, like him… Okay, seriously, Bowser, snap OUT of it!_

"What's on your mind?" Dedede asked.

Bowser put on his signature grin. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know." He gave Dedede a gentle nudge in the chest with his palm.

 _How is his body so soft?_

The penguin repositioned himself, a little closer, after getting pushed. He looked like he was having anxiety.

 _Jeez, I so much as touch him and he looks like a nervous wreck… probably thinks I'm gonna eat him or something._

 _Screw him. Thinking I'm some monster… I'm getting too attached. No, I'm not, I never get attached to begin with. I wish he'd just leave me alone!_

" _Raaar!"_

"What was that?" Dedede asked.

"What?"

"You just growled a little bit there." The bird looked perplexed.

"That was out loud?"

"Yeah."

"Oh," Bowser said, embarrassed. Then, he realized how he could turn it around. "Aww, poor baby… Did _I scare_ you?"

"Of course not. You don't scare me."

Bowser gave him a little soft slap, a love tap, across the cheek. "Might wanna rethink that, now that we both know our respective alignments."

The penguin grumbled. "You're really touchy feely, you know that?" Dedede didn't appear upset about this fact. Maybe he just felt he had to put up a stink to maintain his dignity.

"Whatever. I bet you like when I smack you around."

"Whatever _yourself_ ," Dedede said, flushed. It was so easy to bug him, you'd think it'd get boring. But it didn't.

"Ah, I think it's due time for that nap you suggested," Bowser said.

"Agreed."

They laid down side by side, arms touching, leaning into each other. Neither commented on this, but just let it happen.

Dedede pointed at the sky. "That cloud kinda looks like Kirby."

Bowser had his hands folded on his chest. He gestured at another cloud. "That one looks like a butt."

They both laughed, feeling their bodies vibrate against one another. Then they sighed contentedly.

Bowser smiled. "Don't ever repeat this, but… your place is pretty chill."

"Really? I thought you'd find it dull," Dedede replied, shifting a bit and just happening to bring himself closer to the big reptile… Was that on purpose?

"Nah, it's peaceful. Still got some crazy sugary people, but the ones I've met have been entertaining."

"Like Adeleine? And Wanda?" The penguin's voice was hesitant.

"I meant _you_ , ya numbskull."

"O-oh!"

Bowser was happy Dedede didn't snark back at him, instead remaining silent. He already felt awkward even saying that one pleasant thing, like he was revealing a weakness.

Something about this moment felt sweet to Bowser. Normally "sweet" made him want to gag, but this was different. He wanted to remember this.

He could feel the bird breathing next to him, saw his round stomach rise and fall slowly. So relaxing. He had an urge to just grab him and give him a noogie. Why did he find this guy so… _adorable_ , like a stuffed animal he would've cuddled in bed as a child? He couldn't explain it. All he knew was that he wanted to continue spending time with Dedede, even if that seemed the craziest, most ill-advised notion of his life. Surely a pure sweetheart like the penguin king would find it hard to accept the darkness within him. Eventually he'd be too much, and he'd be rejected, as always.

But Dedede seemed different. He didn't seem to care so much that Bowser was an evil overlord… in fact, Dedede seemed to find it cool in a way. That was _weird_. But maybe Bowser would run with it, and see how long the penguin's interest lasted.

Bowser found the soft, easy feeling of interacting with him so natural, compared to plotting chaos and destruction with someone more like himself.

"Hey, Dedede?" Bowser said.

He heard nothing… and then he heard a snore.

"Alright. Better follow his lead, I didn't get much shut-eye last night…"

He felt Dedede's body next to his and it just felt so… nice. He never realized physical contact could be so enjoyable, even essential… he had only ever really experienced being touched when he was fighting someone.

Figuring no one would notice, and he could pass it off as having happened in his sleep, Bowser turned onto his side and nestled his head into Dedede's chest, the silky feathers tickling his snout.

Bowser noticed the other king smelled amazing, clean and sweet and fruity, almost like a blueberry candy. The scent lulled him into a deeply relaxed state, and before long his eyes slid shut, a serene smile on his face.


	6. Drinking and Thinking

**[Author's note: Welcome new readers! I think some people are joining now that Smash Ultimate's out. Holy shit Bowser is so good (gameplay-wise AND visually) this time around. And Dedede looks even cuter. Plus now we got K. Rool to complete the round boss kings trifecta! I'll probably be slower on uploading from now on since I'm not working with a buffer anymore, not to mention I have a bunch of art I'm supposed to be working on. Anyway, I had this written for awhile but I forgot to post it, so enjoy]**

* * *

 **DEDEDE**

The penguin king woke up slowly. The air had gotten cooler and the sky was darkening into a bluish haze. It had to be at least 7 PM. How long had they slept?

Groggily, he tried to sit up, and felt a weight pressing down on him. It was then that he realized Bowser was snoozing atop him, the Koopa's face buried in his chest feathers.

Dedede started to warm up considerably. Bowser's arm was also draped over him and… it was weird. He found himself in the "clutches" of an intimidating beast, and yet he'd never felt safer.

His inner cuteness circuits were in overdrive. He couldn't bring himself to wake this proud creature when he looked so peaceful and content. Bowser's breathing rumbled through the penguin's entire body.

Or maybe he didn't want to wake Bowser because he loved the feeling of being wrapped in his arms? That would certainly explain why his heart felt like it was going to melt into a puddle of goo.

 _What_ _ **is**_ _this I'm experiencing? I've never been so drawn to anybody before, but Bowser is like a magnet, like a kinetic force I can't get away from!_

Dedede took off a glove and put his palm on the Koopa's head, running his fingers through Bowser's luxurious mane.

 _His hair is soft, tousled, and smells so nice. Touching it makes me want to… Protect him? But what does he need protection from? What could I even do for him?_

Bowser let out a quiet whiny growl, like a pleased whimper. He smelled like fire and leather, a smoldering, dark aroma that gave Dedede the same sensation he got when he smelled coffee brewing in the morning. Like a white-hot supernova of unimagined possibilities.

 _Why does his body against mine feel so… invigorating? I feel his breathing, and where his scales meet my feathers it's like a static shock. I feel dizzy..._

It wasn't long, however, until the other king stirred. Dedede hurriedly put his glove back on.

Bowser yawned, and opened his eyes. He looked at Dedede and saw his eyes were open as well. The penguin tried not to look guilty as he felt the turtle-dragon become stiff against him.

"Y-you woke up how long ago?" Bowser asked, barely even awake and yet fully alert.

"Oh, it's been a while," Dedede said, winking. "I tried to pry your heavy head and arm off me, but you insisted on snuggling."

"I wasn't snuggling! I don't snuggle!"

"Oh really? Could've fooled me, you seemed pretty good at… it…" Dedede realized how this thought sounded after it left his mouth.

Bowser looked at him funny. "Tried to lift me off you, huh? My head's not _that_ heavy. I don't think you even budged."

"Don't… don't go getting ideas like that!" Dedede faltered in his command of the situation.

"Face it, you wanted to be close to me. Where I'm concerned, you _want_ to be a sitting duck."

"Stop making things up! Lies! Slander! I'll have you thrown in the dungeon! Also, I'm not a duck!"

"Yeah right. You don't even _have_ a dungeon. Hella weak, by the way." Bowser seemed to notice then that he was still lying on the penguin, and quickly sat up, yawning ferociously, causing Dedede to startle a bit. "Seriously, though, how long were we out for?"

"...Quite a bit." Dedede rubbed his eyes. "I think it's well past suppertime."

"Aw man, I missed dinner to cuddle with you? …By accident… Because I rolled over in my sleep?" Bowser had his tail in his hands. Why did _he_ suddenly look guilty?

Dedede stretched out his arms. "Relax, I can get us food."

"Weren't we supposed to meet Adeleine and Wanda?" Bowser said. "At The Grape Garden?"

"Whatever. They can take care of themselves. Besides, I'm starving."

A firefly sparked into existence momentarily.

"Nah, it's rude to bail on an invitation," Bowser remarked, clearing his throat.

"What, now _you're_ teaching _me_ etiquette?"

"I got a lot to teach _you_ , pal." Bowser gave him a squeeze in the love handle region.

Dedede let out a little flustered yelp. "Alright, alright, we'll go see them."

* * *

Dedede and Bowser entered the bar. It was jam-packed, unlike this morning, and they heard Adeleine and Wanda calling their names. They sat down at a table, with two seats saved for them, next to one another.

"About time you showed up," Wanda said. "We thought you ditched us."

"I did find my head in a ditch, at one point," Bowser joked anxiously.

Dedede rolled his eyes. "Sorry. We fell asleep."

"Typical. Leave two lazy boys alone for a minute and they're in bed together."

"We- we weren't in bed together, and we're not lazy!" Dedede protested, blushing.

"Don't get so defensive, Dedede, you'll just fuel her," Bowser said, also a bit redder than usual.

Wanda laughed. "Whatever… Adeleine and I were actually about to leave after these drinks."

Adeleine raised a half-empty glass of apple cider. "Sorry, we waited as long as we could."

"It's okay," Bowser said, making an exaggerated sigh. "I _guess_ I'll just entertain our resident grump by myself."

Dedede gave him an annoyed glance. _I wish "grump" weren't the single thing people declared me to be. And what, does that mean he's already sick of spending so much time around me? Or am I just being oversensitive? Maybe he's just joking. He does like to joke. I need to calm down. Why do I suddenly care so much what he thinks? He just inserted himself into my life at random and I'm acting like he's my ruler. Although, maybe it would be nice to let someone else take the reins for once… wait, what am I even thinking?_

"Yooooo… earth to Dedede," Bowser said, waving a big hand in front of the penguin's face. "The lights are on, but nobody's home."

"Uh…" Dedede realized he needed to stop getting lost in thought. Easier said than done.

"Order a beverage, ya knob," Wanda urged.

Bowser requested a chocolate stout, and Dedede asked for some wine again. The four chatted for a bit, the kings asking the women how their art show went, and the ladies asking them how their nap together went, making sure to embarrass them as much as possible before leaving. Eventually, they saw themselves out, and the duo were alone once again, but surrounded by people this time. A busser came to clear the table of the girls' empty glasses.

"Well, I'm still feeling a little groggy," Dedede said, gingerly leaning his head on Bowser's arm.

"W-what do you think you're doing?"

"Apparently this is how kings are supposed to act. I'm just following your lead."

"Yeah, well, follow another," Bowser said, flushed, nudging Dedede's head off of him.

"I thought _I_ was the resident grump," Dedede said, not sure why being pushed away cut into his stomach like an icicle. Then again... there were a lot of people around. _Oh dear,_ _did anyone see that? I'm such a dweeb._

"Don't sass me. I'll cook you to a crisp with my fire breath." The Koopa had a satisfied smile and half-lidded eyes, indicating that he was enjoying this banter more than he let on.

"You wouldn't," Dedede said. "You _like_ me too much."

"N-now you're just being silly," Bowser said, his voice wavering.

"It was you, not me, who was desperate for a Dedede pillow."

"Yeah, well, you liked it." He turned away, and Dedede thought he could see him hiding a mischievous expression.

Bowser gave off the air of a kid who was trapped in an adult body, just wanting to take every moment as it was and be fully present in it, sculpting every second to his liking with as much force as he could get away with exerting.

Not like Dedede. He was a serious, stuffy worrywart, always in his head, wondering what he did wrong most recently, or a decade ago. Always with the trains of thought that interrupted his reasoning and took over his faculties, until he imploded a little inside, and everything blipped away until the next time.

After only a couple days spent knowing Bowser, Dedede noticed he felt different around him. Like Bowser's way of seeing the world dominated his, and he empathetically understood the Koopa, wanting to be like him, a more free spirit, less repressed.

 _Crazy, the emotions that he's stirring up just by being here._

They had finished their drinks rather quickly. The server noticed this and came over to ask if they wanted more.

"Yeah," Bowser said. "Put his on my tab."

"What are you doing?" Dedede questioned.

"Buying you a drink, dumbass."

"Ah, well… thanks?" The penguin felt a bit like he was on a date, all of a sudden. The feeling hit him in the gut. Not that he knew what being on a date was _like,_ but the sensation still felt visceral.

Before, everything they did together was sort of… random. Whatever was happening in Dream Land at the time, they just did it because it was _there._ The picnic. The fair. The Gourmet Race, soon. And all of it mostly involved other people. Being at the castle together didn't really count, since they were both staying there anyway. They never made specific _plans_ to be at home base.

But _this…_ this was not in the script. Something about Bowser buying him a drink felt… _official._ As if the line had finally been crossed between acquaintance and… friend. The Koopa was basically saying, ' _We're here, and we don't need anyone else. Just sitting at a table and talking to you alone is a fine way to spend the evening.'_ Dedede shouldn't have felt so excited, but he did.

It didn't help that, while buying a friend a drink was a perfectly common gesture, the action of purchasing consumables for somebody always had a bit of a romantic feel to it. The husband buys his wife dinner at a nice restaurant. ' _I care about you so much that I want you to be comfortable, even if you don't need this to survive. I like you so much I want to give you unnecessary pleasures.'_

It wasn't as if nobody had ever done anything nice for Dedede... but this time, it felt like he'd had to work to get this to happen. He'd had to earn this friendship. To break down their respective walls and see eye to eye. He remembered how badly their first meeting went, the subsequent misunderstandings, and how he'd thought that he blew it so many times. But his conflicting feelings about the turtle didn't help matters - for every urge to be near him, an equal urge arose to push him away. Bowser's overwhelming charisma and style were competing with the fact that he was brash, maddening, and probably dangerous too. The relationship already felt like a competition sometimes, and perhaps an ill-advised one at that... but then again, Dedede couldn't remember a time when he felt so alive, so curious about the future.

And of course it would be _Bowser_ making the decisions and guiding the night. What if Dedede didn't want to stay out? He did, of course, but that wasn't the point. Part of him liked Bowser making choices for him, and part of him didn't. It simultaneously made Dedede feel important, and yet like… a _sidekick._

Suddenly Dedede realized he was just thinking in circles again, sentence fragments and flashes of emotion bouncing around inside his head like it was a broken pinball machine. He wondered how long he'd been silent, glancing over at the Koopa king, who was looking bored.

 _I'm going crazy… gotta stop treating everything Bowser does as if it's a thunderclap from the clouds. He probably just wants to repay me for hosting and feeding him. Not that I wanted any repayment..._

Their beverages arrived. Bowser held up his glass.

"Cheers," he said.

"Cheers," echoed Dedede, tapping his glass against Bowser's.

"You must be tired," Bowser said, sipping his booze.

"Not really, why?"

"You're so distracted."

Dedede sighed. "Sorry… that's just how I am. It's not that I'm not paying attention on purpose, my mind just… works overtime."

"Whoa, I... didn't expect a sincere response," Bowser replied, scratching his head and pausing for a moment, before continuing. "It's fine, I know I'm... a lot. It's probably normal if you need to regroup once in awhile."

Dedede cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. "It's _not..._ It's not _you,_ " he lied.

"Then what is it?" Bowser almost looked disappointed to hear that he (ostensibly) wasn't the subject of Dedede's thoughts.

"Just… royalty problems. I'm sure you know the drill, so I won't bore you. Point is, I'm not tired at all."

"Fine. Keep me in the dark. Grogginess aside, I'm not really sleepy either," the Koopa said.

"Yeah," replied Dedede, "I guess that's what happens when you nap for hours."

"You know what this means," Bowser grinned.

"What?" Dedede felt silly because he couldn't help mirroring Bowser's smile.

"We're gonna party tonight, you and me. Not like we're getting to sleep until the wee hours now anyway."

"Alright," Dedede chuckled. "Sounds like fun."

For as muted as his response was, inside his body the penguin felt adrenaline surging. _He isn't sick of me at all... quite the opposite!_

* * *

 **BOWSER**

After spending an hour or two more in the bar, Dedede and Bowser stumbled out the door, beyond tipsy, arms around each other, and carefully made their way back up to the castle. Drinking that much on empty stomachs had been… an idea.

Two Waddle Dees manned the entrance, opening the doors for them.

"Late night tonight, sire?"

"Yeah… _laaaate,_ " Dedede slurred. The kings looked at each other and giggled, red-faced.

The Waddle Dees exchanged curious looks.

Inside the castle, they continued laughing, half-walking and half-running through the halls to the kitchen.

They clambered along, bumping into tables, tripping over the corners of carpets.

"Shhhhh," Dedede put a finger up in front of Bowser's lips, "We're gonna wake the whole army if we're not quiet!"

"Okay, okay," Bowser whispered, making a mock attempt to chomp the penguin's finger, his fangs clicking loudly.

This made Dedede laugh again, a sound that Bowser was starting to become fond of. He was also hearing it more often, and seeing Dedede smile more, which made him feel warm inside.

They got into the kitchen and Dedede turned on the lights, opening the fridge.

"What are we gonna eat? I'm starving."

Bowser came up behind him, putting his head on Dedede's shoulder to see what was in the refrigerator. "How about that lasagna?"

"It's a few days old… ah, well, I'm sure it's fine." Dedede removed it from the fridge and put it in the microwave.

Bowser looked inside, rifled through and found some whipped cream. He snuck up behind Dedede and tapped him on the shoulder.

Dedede turned around just in time to get a jet of whipped cream sprayed all over his chest.

"What's the big idea!?" the penguin exclaimed.

Bowser laughed maniacally. "My plot for Dedede domination has begun! First step is to mark my target." He took a clawtip and traced a big X symbol in the creamy mess.

"Very funny! But you came to this battle unprepared," the penguin snarked, yanking the pressurized bottle from Bowser's hand. "You left yourself open for a counterattack."

 _Sssssssscccccccchhhhh._ Dedede made a heart shape on Bowser's midsection, all the way up to just under his throat.

"Drat! Foiled again!" Bowser looked down. "Yoooo, why did you make a heart? Do you have a crush on me or something?" The Koopa's cheeks started burning.

Dedede looked distressed. "Don't be s-so foolish! Hearts are one of the most important symbols of Dream Land, along with stars… which are really hard to draw."

"A _heart_ is your national emblem?" Bowser snorted. "I can't believe it, I'm visiting the sappy capital of the universe!"

"Hey! Unlike you, we don't walk around with a permanent snarl on our faces!"

"That's not fair. I smile all the time!" Bowser demonstrated, showing his pearly whites.

"When you're mocking me."

"Well, what can I say. You make a great mockingbird."

"Yeah, and you put the hell back in _shell!_ "

"Is… is that seriously the best you got?" Bowser said. "I'm disappointed, Deedee."

"Do _not_ call me that. Anyway, you clearly just aren't smart enough to get my humor."

Bowser cracked a sideways smirk, crossing his arms. "If smarts are what I need to find your jokes funny, then ignorance... is bliss!"

Dedede pouted.

The Koopa king looked over his host. He licked his lips.

"Wh-why are you staring at me that way?" Dedede asked.

"It's just, I'm awful hungry, that lasagna's taking forever, and I really feel it's a shame to waste all that whipped cream…"

Dedede took a step backward, bumping into the fridge. "D-don't eat me! I'm mostly air!"

Bowser swooped in, clutched the trembling Dedede by his sides and took a loud slurp of the white disaster he'd created, his big tongue dragging up along the bird's torso.

" _Aaack_!" Dedede almost fell backwards, grabbing onto the Koopa's shell spikes for balance. "Y-you're crazy!"

"Ain't that what you love about me?" Bowser nuzzled his snout in again, his tongue leaving a trail of saliva, before pulling it back, his face covered with whipped cream now. "You taste like chicken."

"Shaddap!" Dedede panted, taking quick, shallow breaths. "I'm not a snack!"

They were both beet red, but that was just the alcohol… right?

The Koopa licked off another large smattering of cream, making small, soft nibbles into his flesh. Dedede wiggled, and choked out a resisted laugh. He was clearly a smidge ticklish.

"You're right…" Bowser pulled back, standing up straight, palms still cupping the penguin. "You're not a snack. You're a full-course meal."

Bowser looked into Dedede's eyes. They paused, still holding onto one another.

Then Dedede burst into laughter, putting his head on Bowser's chest. "You're absolutely _covered_ in that stuff now."

Bowser looked him over, as the penguin lifted his head up again. "So are you," the Koopa said. "I thought my mouth would have helped with that…"

"I thought you were about to make me your dinner," Dedede said, looking sheepish.

The Koopa sighed. "Do ya seriously believe I'm like that? Have a little faith..."

"With the way you act sometimes, you can't blame me!"

"Hmmph." Bowser loosened his grip.

Dedede jumped out of Bowser's hold and hurriedly went over to the sink, as if he were trying to hide his face. He grabbed a clean tea towel and got it wet, then returned to Bowser and started cleaning him off.

"Whoa! Your pecs are pretty, um, solid… do you work out or something?" Dedede sounded impressed, and a little intimidated, which turned Bowser on a tad.

 _It's normal to love hearing that, right?_

"I have my own gym at my castle." He flexed his arms.

"I knew it! I _knew_ that despite your little paunch, you were too vain _not_ to exercise."

"Whoa, whoa, _vain,_ me? It's not vanity if you're genuinely _the best_." Then the other part of the sentence sunk in. "...Paunch?"

Dedede poked him in the stomach. "Yeah, we've all noticed."

"You _little_ …"

They exchanged another whipped cream-covered gaze. This moment felt really intense to Bowser. Almost too much to handle. His heart was pounding as Dedede continued to clean off the Koopa's torso, both of them quiet.

Bowser returned the favor after the other king was done wiping him down.

"You must have sprayed my entire chest," the drunken penguin remarked.

"Alcohol messed me up. I was aiming for your _face_ ," Bowser said, too drunk to immediately understand what he was revealing by saying that, considering what he did _after_ making the mess. He suddenly felt hot.

Dedede's eyes glazed over. "Wait… so then... were you planning on tonguing my face instead?"

Bowser coughed. "UH, so, is that lasagna ready!?"

Dedede blinked. "CRAP!" He ran to the microwave and opened it, smoke fuming out of the door.

"What happened?"

"I think instead of three minutes, I set it to thirty," the other king replied.

This brought them into hysterics once again. Bowser thought about how funny everything is when you're messed up. Not like being sober, when everything was so… _sobering._ When they calmed down, Dedede suggested they eat some cereal instead, which they did, sitting on the counters.

"So lemme get this straight," Bowser mumbled through a mouthful of cereal, "Whatever Kirby eats, he turns into?"

"That's right." Dedede wiped his face with a napkin. "It's his Copy Ability."

"So if he ate Adeleine, he'd become a painter?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"And if he ate a Waddle Doo, he could shoot sparks?"

"Pretty much."

"Can he do that with everything?"

"Not quite. I still haven't seen him turn into a sandwich yet."

"What would happen if he ate one of us?"

Dedede stopped chewing, his face contorting in horror. "I dunno, but now I'm scared he's gonna try!"

"I don't wanna be the first to find out," Bowser said, biting his lip. "You gotta take one for the team."

"Didn't you fight him in the Smash tournaments already? Hasn't he tried to suck you in before?"

"Yeah, but like… well, first off, the last time I Smashed was a long time ago, so it's a bit foggy, and secondly, when you're Smashing, you're not really _yourself._ " Bowser let out a small hiccough.

"What?"

"It's like, you go into this stasis, and a trophy of you is created, then the trophy does the fighting… you feel everything that happens, but even if you die, _you_ don't actually _die._ "

"That sounds confusing."

"Well, we're drunk, after all. Regardless, if it did happen, he just spat me out afterward and stole my fire breath. I don't remember, though, considering I am pretty sure I won all of my matches. And it all kinda bleeds together in my mind since it wasn't really _me,_ and there were so many fights… But the point is, I dunno what it's like when it _really_ happens. That's why you need to do the research for me." Bowser hoped Dedede was too inebriated to notice him contradicting himself.

"I already _had_ someone try and eat me," Dedede said, pointing at Bowser with his spoon, accidentally flicking some milk in the Koopa's face. "And you're always pushing me around in one way or another… For crying out loud, is there some pheromone I give off, or something about me that screams 'prey'?

The Koopa didn't miss a beat. "I think it's either your poultry-like flavor, or your submissive behavior… hey, that rhymes."

"I t-told you I'm not submissive!"

"Yeah you are!" Bowser winked.

"You're just a big bully, you know that?" Dedede crossed his arms.

"That's right. Maybe next time I see Kirby open his mouth, I'll push you in. For science."

"I'm not going in there! If you're so curious, _you_ go!"

"No way. What if I got trapped?""

"Then... I'll eat cereal with fire breath Kirby, and everyone will live happily ever after."

"Except ME! But it's a moot point. I'm about ten times his size. He couldn't fit me in his mouth, especially with my spikes."

"I've seen Kirby swallow things _much_ bigger than you. And he's as flexible as putty, so you wouldn't puncture him, I think."

"D-don't joke about that! This is serious!" Bowser put down his bowl and clenched the edge of the counter tightly.

"It's the truth."

"I'm never hanging around that pink freak again! Why would you bring me near such a dangerous threat!?"

" _Kirby_ is a threat, but I'm not!?"

"Well, no, you're like the star of the bedtime stories I read to my kid. Totally gentle and muted."

Dedede blushed slightly. "I- I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult, but shove it!" He paused, a look of realization dawning in his eyes. "Wait, you have a _kid_?"

"Yup. My pride and joy, Bowser Jr."

Dedede looked disappointed, perplexingly. "So his mother is…"

A flurry of thoughts and emotions hit him. Bowser exhaled some smoke. He didn't mean to, it was an accident. He saw Dedede flinch, and said, "I… don't want to talk about it."

"O-okay. Sorry." Dedede appeared relieved, maybe because he wasn't about to get flame-broiled.

 _I hope Junior is doing okay right now,_ Bowser thought. _Kamek hates babysitting, but whatever. Daddy needs to have a life sometimes._

Silence. Then Dedede got up, took his and Bowser's bowls and, after nearly tripping on his own robe twice, started washing them in the sink.

"Don't you have people to do that for you?" Bowser asked.

"Yes, but I'm here right now and it's not nice to wake up to a bunch of dishes to clean." After putting the bowls and spoons in a drying rack, he grabbed the container the lasagna was in. It was burnt and caked together. "This one can go in the garbage."

"Deeds, quit cleaning and come pay attention to me again."

Dedede dropped the container into a bin and hopped back up on a counter to face the reptile. "Jeez, you're needy. Attention granted."

"Uhhhhh, I don't even remember what I was going to say now."

"Doofus."

"Well, who's doofus-er, the doofus, or the guy who thinks the doofus is good company?"

"I'd say it's the one who is drunk enough to use words like 'doofus-er.'"

"I'm not drunk, _you're_ drunk."

"Can't you see I'm basically sober?" Dedede jumped down to the floor and nearly lost his balance. "Whoa… standing is _hard_."

"I told you," Bowser snickered.

Dedede stumbled over and instinctively reached out, his palms landing on Bowser's thighs.

Instantly, electrical signals shot through the Koopa. He actually felt a pulse of… arousal? For a split second. He shook his head.

"What?" Dedede looked up at him, with glassy eyes.

Bowser avoided his gaze. "N-n-nothing, everything's absolutely fine!"

"Weirdo."

"I'm not weird, _you're_ weird."

Dedede laid his head down on Bowser's leg. "Sooooooooo sleepy…"

"That's the wine talking. And you can't sleep there," Bowser said, blushing.

"Why not? You used _me_ as a pillow earlier today!"

"Okay, fair enough, but your positioning… what happens if _I_ fall asleep too? You're gonna get a rude awakening."

"How so?"

"When my morning wood pokes out an eye, idiot!" Bowser blurted out uncomfortably.

Dedede shot his head up, embarrassed. "I- I get your point!"

Bowser breathed a sigh of relief. To tell the truth, he couldn't accept it, but the penguin grazing his inner thigh, and breathing on it… it made him _throb_. And Dedede's face had been _right there._

"Let's go hang out in my room," said the penguin.

"You realize, that following my morning wood comment with an invite to your quarters is _kinda_ suggestive?"

"I'm not suggestive, _you're_ suggestive," Dedede grumbled.

"I _suggest_ you watch your tone when you're talking to a big bad boss like myself. Might not turn out well for you, otherwise..." Bowser got down from the counter and grabbed Dedede by his robe, leaning up close to his face. "Rawr."

Dedede's face kept getting redder and redder, which was confusing since they hadn't drunk anything in a while. "Lemme go."

"Make me," Bowser said, and pulled him in even closer into a very tight embrace.

* * *

Silence and stillness.

Bowser didn't know why he had the impulse to hug, but he did it anyway. Dedede didn't resist, but returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around the Koopa in turn.

He hung on to the fellow king for dear life, for either a minute or an hour, it was hard to tell. It should have felt awkward, but it felt so natural instead. Dedede shifted a little, but didn't say a word. Bowser didn't speak either, but took the time to breathe in the scent of his new friend.

 _Can I really call him my friend? For all I know, he's just entertaining me because he feels he has to... I did kinda force myself on him, I'm even doing it now! I can't help myself. Poor guy DID think I wanted to eat him... Then again, I don't even know how to tell if someone likes me._

Bowser sighed, rumbling as he laid his head on the penguin's shoulder.

 _But... it would be nice... He's so good, but good guys can't stand me... And usually, I can't stand them either, but somehow, I wanna be around his energy more. Jeez, why does he smell so amazing... and feel so soft and warm and cuddly? Must be the booze, I guess. Yeah, that's it! Even though I haven't drunk anything in awhile..._

Then, suddenly, the penguin squirmed out of his grip and started running out of the kitchen. "You're not gonna capture me that easily!"

* * *

Bowser, reacting after a moment of surprise, gave chase. He saw the penguin's red robe trailing in the air as he turned a corner.

Their footsteps echoed through the empty castle. Bowser was keeping up, but Dedede was a good few yards ahead of him.

A few of the night-shift guards were watching attentively. Thankfully, Dedede was laughing, so they could tell things were probably all right.

 _If we keep having misunderstandings like these, I'll be booted from Dream Land before I know it!_

Eventually, Dedede led Bowser into the throne room, up a set of stairs in the back corner, and into his bedroom.

It was a simple room, much simpler than the Koopa had expected. Plain grey blankets and draperies. The enormous, double king-sized bed was against the back left corner and had an elegant canopy above it, also grey. A bench with a blue suede cushion. One dresser, a bookshelf, and two tall windows. A hanging light fixture was faintly illuminating the room - there was a dimmer switch next to the door. The floor was stone, like the rest of the castle, with a dark red rug covering the large rectangular area between the bed and the doorway. It had a gold pattern going along the edges.

Bowser stopped to catch his breath. "You… you run pretty fast for a man of your stature."

Dedede smiled. "I'm not even going to get offended, because I beat you."

"Not really. I've beaten you," Bowser panted.

"How do you figure?"

"Because now I've got you cornered."

Dedede looked around him. It was true. Bowser was in front of the doorway and the only other exit was to jump out a window. His smile disappeared. "Whoops."

" _What_ am I gonna do with you," Bowser said, grinning. "Capture you, subdue you, then what?"

Dedede shifted anxiously. He licked his lips. "I assume you'd have to take me back to your castle?"

"Ah, yes. It's very scary there, a softie like you wouldn't stand a chance."

"I'm tougher than I look!"

"But can you take all the abuse I'm ready to dish out?" Bowser questioned him. "I'm very full of aggression. Might not be too good for you."

"You can do whatever you want to me, but I won't surrender."

"Wanna bet?" Bowser's eyes and teeth glinted in the dark room.

They stared each other down, the temperature in the room rising. The tension was palpable.

Finally, the penguin king reached behind where he was standing, fumbling his hand into a wine rack, grabbing a bottle and holding it up. "I don't know about you, but all that running has sobered me up."

Bowser just grinned. _Now this guy's startin' to get interesting._

Dedede popped off the cork and took a big glug of the red, before passing it to Bowser. The Koopa swigged as he watched Dedede jump into bed and roll onto his side.

Bowser kneeled at the edge of the bed, his arm resting on the blanket, and he passed the bottle over again. "So all the little Waddle Dees, do they just sleep in a litter somewhere like puppies, or do you have a barracks with dozens of tiny beds?"

"The latter, actually," Dedede chuckled. "Although they do like to cuddle together. Everyone in Dream Land does…" he blushed.

"I'll… keep that in mind," Bowser said, still sober enough to guess at what was just revealed in that sentence.

"This place is pretty dreamy," Dedede said. "It can get boring, though, despite the milky skies and starry oceans. What's the Koopa Kingdom like?"

Bowser thought for a moment. "It's scenic. Red vistas, dark clouds, churning lavascapes, there's really no place like it. Got lots of territories spread out everywhere. Yeah, my influence spreads far. You could almost say I've developed a cult of personality."

"Well, cults and crazy go hand in hand," Dedede snickered.

Bowser scowled. "What do you know."

"Is there anyone you're… interested in back there? Seeing somebody? A sultry turtless, perhaps?" That was a loaded question, regardless of the way Dedede seemed to stammer when he said it.

Bowser looked distant. "Maybe. But I think it'll never work."

Dedede kept quiet.

"You're supposed to say, 'I'm sure it will - you're a catch, Bowser!'" The Koopa king grumbled.

"I don't know the situation! I'm not going to offer empty platitudes. You're above that kind of nonsense."

"Thanks… I think?"

"Plus, she's probably out of your league, anyway. You should go for someone attainable."

Bowser knew it was a joke, but it hit like an insult. He furrowed his brow. "What, like you?"

Dedede was speechless. He took a big gulp of the wine and then passed it back.

A newly-satisfied Bowser looked out the window, into which was leaking a misty blue glow.

"We stayed up real late." The Koopa swished his tail across the floor.

"Yeah. It's going to be light out soon."

"I'm not even tired, are you?" Bowser passed the bottle of wine, which had sat next to him on the floor, to Dedede.

"Admittedly… this is way past my usual bedtime…" the bird said, taking a glug.

Bowser softly chuckled. "You can crash, if you want."

"No, I think I'm okay," Dedede yawned.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

They talked and talked, and talked some more, until they eventually started passing out, holding half-asleep conversations that they'd never remember, but which were encoded into Bowser's dreams.

The encroaching darkness of sleep brought him visions of the two of them running through Dream Land's hills, running and running endlessly but never growing exhausted.


	7. Two Hearts Racing

The Koopa and penguin kings were lying on a wide towel atop an ashen grey beach. This wasn't any usual beach, because the water wasn't water - it was bubbling, flowing lava.

"Nice of ya to finally visit my kingdom," Bowser said, adjusting his sunglasses.

Dedede took a drink of his mojito, the perfect compliment to their surroundings. A fiery landscape might be fearsome to many, but not to the penguin. He felt like a total badass being here, and the air was so pleasantly dry and warm, he felt like he was wrapped up in a heated blanket.

Of course, his stifling robe and the rest of his clothes were off, and he lay there wearing nothing, basking in the warmth. It felt natural, and surely they were close enough by now that it wouldn't be weird. Bowser didn't seem to mind, and besides, it wasn't like he was really wearing any clothes either.

It was nice. Since most would consider this place inhospitable, the two kings had the area all to themselves. And even with all this open space, they still laid together.

Dedede rolled over a little closer. He cautiously put his hand on the Koopa's soft, rubbery belly.

No reaction.

So he decided to rub around it in circles, eliciting a grunt from his fellow ruler.

"What are you doin', ya weirdo?" Bowser growled, the lava making popping noises as it bubbled nearby.

"J-just… well…" Dedede's words failed him. It was a struggle to even form two, let alone a complete sentence.

"Don't be an idiot!" Bowser grabbed the penguin's hand forcefully.

The penguin yelped, his heart pounding so hard he thought it would burst out of him and wither away.

"Go _lower,_ " the Koopa demanded, pushing Dedede's hand downward.

Then he took off the sunglasses and looked Dedede in the eyes, rolling sideways.

His face was moving closer. And closer. Arms wrapped around him. Their lips met and everything collapsed into a burst of stardust.

Harsh reds. Blazing whites. Yellow and green, the colors of life - the sun, the grass, everything came back to yellow and green. But it wouldn't be complete without blue. Blue sky, blue ocean. Yellow, blue and green, with tones of red and white connecting it all together, like strings holding a puppet aloft.

The moment was interrupted by a bubbling cacophony. The lava encroached too quickly. Bowser got up and ran.

Dedede tried to do the same, but his legs were like lead moving through molasses. His robe was back on, and the lava caught the back of it - flames spreading up his back and soon to surround his body.

He tried to yell, tried to run, but nothing worked… Bowser was laughing in the distance, but his voice was loud and clear, as if they were still lying next to each other.

* * *

 **DEDEDE**

The wall was the first thing Dedede saw as his eyes popped open. His next sensory input was the sound of Bowser snoring… and then the vibrations coming from him.

Dedede realized an arm was wrapped around him and sighed fondly. _Looks like Bowser's at it again._

He laid there for a minute, not wanting to escape from Bowser's hold. He felt like a big, scary creature had just captured him… so why did it feel good? He tried to remember what he'd dreamt about. It seemed important. He closed his eyes, thinking maybe he could catch the idea again if he focused.

...

 ** _Rringgg!_**

Dedede awoke again with a start. His phone was ringing.

He had to struggle and slide under the blanket to get out from under the Koopa who was spooning him.

 _ **Rringgg!**_

He picked up the pink phone with an antenna that was making a ringing sound on the dresser. He pressed one of the buttons, shaped like a star with rounded corners.

"Hello? Hi Kawasaki. I was about to come and tell you. Huh? Why wouldn't I wanna eat? Yeah, pancakes would be good again. But with chocolate chips this time, okay?"

Bowser yawned, turning around in the bed. "Morning."

"Sup." Dedede felt stupid immediately after. _That sounded so unnatural coming out of my mouth._

The Koopa rubbed his eyes. "What… is that thing you were talking to?"

"Oh, this?" Dedede held it up. "This is called a cell phone."

"What's a cell phone?"

"We have these here. If you're familiar with walkie-talkies, it's like that, but you can talk from much farther apart. I don't really know the specifics of how it works. Magic, I guess."

"Ah. So…"

"Do you get it?"

"Of course I get it. I think they have those on my planet. Everyone bugs me to get one but I never bothered."

"Who's 'everyone'?"

Bowser looked down at himself. "Second question. How… how did I get into your bed?"

"Probably by climbing in. Since we've already established you're a _cuddle slut._ "

"I am not a cuddle slut, you wish! And watch your language! This is Pop Star, talking like that could get you arrested!"

"That's enough out of you." The penguin's eyes widened. "Oh! I just noticed..."

"What?"

"Your shell is over here on the floor."

"Well, yeah, otherwise, your mattress would be in pieces right now."

"It's just... you seem kinda... _naked_ without it." Dedede tugged at his clothes, which felt incredibly constricting right now.

"Ooooh, is the penguin king awestruck by my flagrant nudity?"

"I mean..."

"Relax. That shell is like a backpack. Everything you really _wanna_ see is tucked away anyhow." Bowser let out another yawn, more akin to a growl.

"W-who says I want to see anything else?"

"Figure of speech, Deeds."

"Well, it's a dumb speech and you're a dumb face!"

"Wow, you're really not good at verbal sparring, are you?" Bowser turned around onto his side.

"Oh, what do you know..." Dedede paused. "Hmm."

"What's up?"

"This is early morning light, but I feel so rested, what's going on? We were up past sunrise."

Bowser looked outside. "And wasn't it kinda foggy before? Now it's sunny."

Dedede shrugged. "Anyway, breakfast should be ready soon. Let's head down."

…

The pair sat down in the dining room.

Kawasaki put a plate of pancakes in the middle of the table. "Sire, are you looking forward to the Gourmet Race later today?"

Dedede blinked rapidly. " _Today?_ Surely you mean _tomorrow._ "

Bowser grabbed some food for his plate and started to dig in.

Kawasaki shook his head. "No, today is the commencement ceremony and the King's Race."

Dedede sat up straight. " _Shit!_ I mean, _shoot!_ Bowser! We slept an entire day and night!"

Bowser yawned, uncaring. "We musta needed it."

"Is that all you have to say!?"

The chef stepped back. "Should I leave, or-"

"Maybe I _am_ a bad influence," Bowser said. "Sleeping in, swearing…"

"This isn't funny, Bowser! Stop eating _now!_ We need to save room!"

"But the pancakes…"

"I'll put them in the fridge for later."

"Reheated leftover pancakes? Pass."

"Whatever, dig your own grave." Dedede turned around.

Bowser shrugged and took another mouthful.

…

On the outskirts of town, where rolling fields began, the race track was almost done being set up.

Streamers were hanging between tall wooden poles. People were gathered at the sides of the track, a long dirt road, finding seating wherever they could, whether that be a hill, a rock, or a folding chair.

"It's too bad we couldn't train yesterday," Dedede groaned. "I feel totally unprepared for this."

"At least you've done it before. I'm gonna be a total noob."

At the start of the track, a huge wooden stage had been built. Above it hung a giant blue banner with the words "GOURMET RACE" painted in gold. Large speakers were set up at its corners, connected to a microphone held by the announcer onstage. Usually, Dedede helped with this project, but this time he'd been… busy.

The cheering became deafening when Dedede came around. _High expectations,_ he thought.

He and Bowser climbed up on the stage.

Dedede could see Adeleine and Wanda waving and cheering amongst the crowd.

The announcer stood behind the podium. He was a moustached, pale, ghostly looking town resident whose name escaped the penguin. "Here is a leader who needs no introduction. Please welcome... King Dedede!"

Dedede held up his arm and waved sheepishly, amid loud applause and cheering.

"Usually, we see him racing with our friend Kirby, but today, due to special circumstances, there will be a change. Please give a round of applause for his new competitor, from across the stars… King _Bowser Koopa!_ "

Adeleine and Wanda and a few Waddle Dees clapped. Mostly there was silence. Bowser scratched his head.

As the announcer rambled on about the history of the race, a few scattered clouds rolled slowly across the sky, sun streaming down on everyone. This just made the unprepared Dedede sweat even more. They stepped down the stairs at the back of the stage and approached the start of the race track, where a large scale was set up.

"We'll weigh you now, and again after you finish."

Bowser got on the scale first. "Are you gonna, like, _announce_ what we weigh?"

The announcer adjusted his moustache. "Legally we can't, unless you sign a waiver."

"Good. Wouldn't want Dedede feeling embarrassed," Bowser quipped.

"Yeah," Dedede scoffed, " _That's_ what you're worried about."

"Please," the Koopa king replied. "Eating and running? This is supposed to be a _challenge?_ Don't make me laugh."

…

"I regret every decision I've ever made," Bowser groaned, rubbing his belly.

Dedede hiccoughed as they walked away from the racetrack, which had looped back to the starting area. "I feel…. kinda dizzy…"

"Blood sugar is probably through the roof," the Koopa said, letting out a loud belch, a few embers rushing out into the air. "Congrats, by the way."

"For what?"

"You won."

Dedede blinked. "I crossed the finish line first. We still have to get weighed - a sufficient increase can turn the tables at the last minute, and you're definitely looking pudgier than usual." He reached over and slapped Bowser's stomach.

Bowser winced as his tummy jiggled. "Screw off, I'm gonna be sick…"

They approached the scales, amid cheers from the crowds.

The announcer came over to them. "The winner of the race proper was King Dedede!"

Loud applause.

"Now," the announcer continued, "We will determine the weights of our participants."

Dedede stepped up onto the scale first. The dial on top zoomed quickly from 0 to… well, it would be rude to repeat the number that showed up. He stepped off and burped gracefully, looking smug but also feeling uncomfortable at the same time.

Bowser was next. He took a deep breath. Planting his feet on the scale, the dial instantly shot up so hard that the glass around it shattered.

The Koopa looked taken aback. "Do… do I have to clean that up?"

The announcer gasped into the microphone, which prompted the audience to gasp collectively. It was all very dramatic. "In an astonishing turn of events, we have a new winner! By this measure, the Koopa King has undoubtedly consumed more than double the amount of food that our own liege has!"

Dedede felt crestfallen. _Don't be a sore loser, idiot. You can mentally whine about this later._

The crowd was silent for a moment, before erupting into a cacophony. There was a mixture of cheering and booing. Mostly the latter. Someone threw a Maxim Tomato in Bowser's face.

"Why are they heckling me?" the turtledragon shouted, wiping the red gunk from his snout.

"They must be upset that you… well… showed me up," Dedede offered, sighing. "Let me handle this."

The penguin stepped up to the podium, taking a microphone from a stand and tapping it. "Hello? _Testing?_ 1-2-3 and all that stuff?"

The loud jeers and noises from the audience died down a bit.

"I know you're all surprised by the results of this race," Dedede began, "But it is both rude and disingenuous to be upset with a foreign contestant for beating me. The race isn't a time for us to bow down to me and allow me to win, it's… well… a _race._ We should respect the winner, and I, the actual 'offended party', do not consider this an offense. After all, when Kirby wins, we don't get upset, so Bowser shouldn't be treated any differently. It's actually kind of refreshing to face such a good challenger!"

Mumbling from the crowd. Then they finally reneged and gave Bowser a proper congratulations, after which Dedede beckoned him to come up and join him on the stage to accept a trophy. He saw Bowser look up and smile gingerly at him. Dedede felt a sudden jolt in his chest.

 _That smile..._

Bowser approached, climbing up to the stage, not breaking eye contact, which made Dedede's heart thump harder and harder. He hoped the Koopa didn't notice him sweating and looking nervous.

Bowser flashed another smile, this one more confident, and Dedede's brain stopped processing everything else. The sounds of the crowd were muted. His peripheral vision was blurry. All he could see were Bowser's red eyes, his hair swaying in the wind, his smile… and his lips…

Bowser then took the trophy.

He stepped up in front of Dedede and struck a cool pose, holding it up above his head, roaring and breathing fire.

 _Okay, showboating at a time like this? After I just saved your ass? Come on!_ Dedede couldn't help but find this behavior cute, as annoying as it was. At least it snapped him out of his weird reverie of distraction.

The announcer stepped up on stage and took the trophy. "We'll have this sent to you so you can take it home, Mr. Koopa," he said.

 _Home…_ Dedede thought. _Bowser's going to have to leave again, soon…_

* * *

 **BOWSER**

It sure felt good winning that trophy. Right now, that was the only thing that felt good, however.

 _My stomach is going to explode._

There were numerous yellow, glittering stars hovering over the grass a few yards away from the racetrack. People were hopping on them left and right, and soaring off into the sky as if they were vehicles.

"These are Warp Stars," Dedede explained as they walked toward them. "They'll take us home really quick."

"'Home'?"

The stars were disappearing as the last of the riders, including the announcer, flew off.

"As- as in my castle."

"I know, it's just funny you phrased it that way. It's been starting to feel like I live there, hasn't it?"

"Y-yes... But… you have to leave soon, right?" Dedede scuffed his foot on the grass.

"Yeah…" Bowser tried not to look disappointed. He'd definitely overstayed his welcome by this point.

"So, the Warp Star… just, grab onto it and think about where you want to go. In this case, my castle. And then, you can control its direction by- well, you'll feel how it works when you're on it."

"Sounds… dangerous. What if I fall off?"

"Try to not."

"O... _kay?_ "

Bowser grabbed onto the Warp Star, and it made a weird twinkly sound, levitating slightly, before taking off like a shot.

" _Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!_ " He wasn't expecting it to zoom off immediately.

It yanked him upward about fifteen feet, before it slipped from his fingers, sending him spinning back down to the grassy floor with a loud crash.

"B-Bowser? You okay?"

The Koopa had landed on his shell and was breathing heavily, the wind knocked right out of him.

 _This is so humiliating…_ Bowser thought. Finally he regained the ability to speak.

"Uhhh…. Can you help me up? K-kinda hard to right myself when I'm lying like this on my shell. Think my spikes are stuck in the grass."

"Oh, uh, right!" Dedede took both his hands and pulled as hard as he could.

Bowser's shell wouldn't budge, and soon the penguin lost his balance and grip, stumbling and falling forward…

Right on top of the Koopa.

 _Oh my god, what's happening!?_

"Um, heh…" Dedede's face was inches away from his.

 _He's the softest thing I've ever touched..._

"C-caught ya," Bowser said, laughing nervously.

 _ **Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump.**_

"Do you… hear something?" Nobody else was around in the huge open field, and Bowser couldn't see anything besides Dedede and a background of fast-moving clouds.

"I… feel something… is that your heart that's pounding so hard?" Dedede mumbled.

"No! Why w-would my heart rate be elevated? It's probably you!" Bowser huffed, feeling agitated.

"I-I have a perfectly normal heartbeat right now!"

"Y-yeah right, anybody'd be scared to be this close to me!"

"I wouldn't!" Dedede panted. Then a moment of silence. "I-I mean, I wouldn't be _excited,_ either!"

"T-then get offa me!" Bowser felt sweat pooling down the side of his face.

The penguin slid off the Koopa and stood back up. Relief washed over Bowser. _Why was that such a tense moment? Need to calm down._

They grabbed hands, both looking away from each other awkwardly.

"Pull properly this time!" Bowser grunted.

"I'm trying!"

"God, this is fuckin' _embarassing-_ "

 ** _Yank!_**

Bowser's spikes dislodged from the ground, leaving holes a few inches deep where he'd been stuck. He rolled over onto his belly and pushed himself up. None of this was helping his stomachache.

"Finally…"

"Lucky there are a few extra Warp Stars left," Dedede remarked.

"I don't know why you use these safety hazards."

"They're really not difficult at all. You must just suck at riding things."

Bowser scoffed. "I'm _great_ at riding things. Er... I just couldn't keep hold of the smooth surface. Would it kill ya to install chairs into them or something?"

"Look, do you... need me to share one with you, so I can help you ride?"

"N-no! Don't be a fool! I'll get it right this time!" Bowser looked down at his feet.

"Famous last words," Dedede snorted.

The Koopa looked up again. "I'll show you, smartass." With that, he defiantly marched over to a new Warp Star and grabbed on, clinging for dear life this time. It vibrated and rose for a few seconds before launching off quickly like before.

"Hang on tight!" Dedede shouted from below, barely audible.

...

The sky darkened into starlight as Bowser got higher and higher. The star was travelling so quickly he could barely hold on, arms getting tired already. He was nauseous, deathly afraid of losing his grip again, so he clenched his teeth and tried to muster all his strength. It wasn't what he'd call a smooth ride, either… he'd much rather be in his Clown Car.

In fact, the star was so jerky that Bowser was starting to feel a rumble in his stomach, amplified by the anxiousness the whole experience brought.

"Oh no… oh _no no no-_ "

 ** _Huuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrk!_**

Bowser emptied the contents of his stomach over the side of the Warp Star. He turned his head around to watch them spill away into the night sky.

"H-hope that doesn't land on Dedede…"

…

The Warp Star began screaming downward toward the grounds outside of Castle Dedede. It didn't seem to slow down at all as it descended.

" _I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die-_ "

Bowser gritted his teeth.

The star landed violently, popping out of existence as it absorbed the impact. Bowser flew off in an upward arc before landing face-first in the dirt, sliding a few feet and then coming to a stop.

"Grrrrrrr... Never liked public transportation." Bowser lifted himself up to his knees, rubbing dust out of his eyelids.

"Need a hand?"

Bowser looked up to see Dedede holding out a glove.

"Nice of you to… drop in," the penguin chuckled.

"Har har. Coulda warned me about that." Bowser took Dedede's hand, pulling himself up.

"And miss seeing this? Not a chance."

Bowser grumbled, brushing the dirt off himself, coughing. "How'd you even get here before me?"

"Can't help it if I'm a Warp Star professional," the penguin said, laughing. "You look better, at least. Did the ride ease your post-binge nausea?"

The Koopa king released a nervous laugh. "...You could say that."

" _So…_ " Dedede trailed off, looking sad. "When are you leaving?"

"What, eager to kick me out as soon as you can?" It was a joke, but inside, Bowser felt like his entire life was hanging on a thread, and the answer Dedede gave was going to be a pair of scissors. He tensed up.

 _What is up with me? Must still be kinda sick._

"N-no! No. I mean, you're annoying as heck, and I can't stand your stupid face, but…" the penguin cleared his throat, looking downward. "We _have_ had fun... right?"

Bowser didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he sighed. "Heh. I suppose we have."

Dedede looked up and showed him a goofy grin, with tight lips, as if he was trying to stifle it and look serious. Bowser smirked back in his usual cocky way. In a moment, the penguin's mouth relaxed, and brought a genuine look of happiness to his face, eyes twinkling. This, in turn, caused Bowser to loosen his jaw muscles and form a true smile.

 _He looks so happy… why does my heart swell with pride? Am I proud that I finally got in his good graces? As if that says something about me, that I was able to befriend someone like Dedede?_

 _Or is this joy I'm feeling… is my soul mirroring his own emotions?_

"Um, sires? Are you coming inside?"

Both of them blinked and looked over to see one of the Waddle Dee guards waving from the castle entrance a few yards away.

 _How long was I standing there, grinning like a fool?_ Bowser wondered. _Jeez, I'm an idiot around this penguin for some reason._

* * *

 **DEDEDE**

"So, what do you want to do now?" the penguin king asked, walking with the Koopa through the castle hallways, meandering in the general direction of the throne room.

"Uh… honestly? Have a lie down. That race really took a lot outta me," Bowser said. "Don't think it'd be smart to fly back this way."

"Right. You should definitely rest, then. I-I'll let you head back to your room." Dedede started to walk away.

"You're not coming with?"

The penguin stopped in his tracks. "...Hmm?"

"Well, I didn't say I was going to _sleep._ Aren't ya gonna keep me company? I _am_ your guest, after all."

Dedede sighed, ostensibly out of exasperation. "Fine." He tried to sound cool.

When they got to the guest room, Bowser headed into the half-bath that was connected to the room through a narrow doorway he clearly had some trouble fitting through. The penguin heard the water running, and saw the Koopa bring out a wet washcloth. It made sense, he was covered in dirt and grass stains from those Warp Star shenanigans, not to mention his mane was all messy and disheveled, but it still felt odd to see the turtle king taking care of his personal hygiene.

It also felt a little awkward to be watching, so Dedede looked up at Adeleine's painting work on the ceiling. It had been awhile since he'd admired it, but hearing Bowser gush about it the other day had made him want to appreciate the effort again. It really was impressive how well such a young girl could paint.

He heard a thump as something hit the floor.

When he looked back down, he did a double take, noticing Bowser had removed his shell. That must have been what made the sound, as it was sitting against the wall near the window.

"Y-you-" Dedede stuttered.

"What?"

"Your… shell…"

It wasn't as if the Koopa was really in a compromising position. He just had a naked back now. But Dedede noticed how muscular his back was, broad and sturdy. And as his eyes went down a little lower…

 _Those glutes… is this what the kids are calling "thicc" these days?_

Bowser turned around. Without the shell, he looked less bulky, and stood up straighter, making him appear more muscular and less stocky than before. "Well, what are you stammerin' about? It's just a back. Not like I got my dick out or something."

This thought made Dedede blush. "Ah- I- I dunno, I just t-thought maybe…"

"What, that I was giving you a strip show?" Bowser turned around and wiped himself with the cloth in a mockingly seductive manner.

The penguin choked and gave him a dirty look, sweating up a storm. "N-n-n-no! No, asshole!"

"Then what's the big deal?" Bowser took a step closer. The mere act was so intimidating, it caused Dedede's stomach to tie up in a knot.

 _Oh my goodness, he thinks I'm checking him out. Yeah RIGHT. As if._ Dedede couldn't figure out how to formulate a sentence - he was so overwhelmed by the uncomfortable situation he'd created.

 _I bet if I ever DID check him out, though, he'd punch me in the face, or call me a weirdo, or something. I don't see why I would, though. It would be kind of weird to have the hots for a gruff creature like Bowser, wouldn't it? Well, I guess if he has a son, that must mean that SOMEBODY wanted to jump his bones before, right? So I guess he's not... sexless. But he's not really someone it would even OCCUR to me to THINK of... objectifying. He's just... the Koopa King. Nope, nothing intriguing or appealing about his features at all._

Finally, words came to the penguin. "I-I just thought, you know, h-how... _thoughtful,_ he doesn't want to tear holes in my guest bed... I was so surprised at your respectfulness, it's quite unlike you."

 _Wow... that was a pretty good save. Wait, save from what? Why was I even so staggered in the first place?_

That save came at a cost, anyway. Bowser snorted smoke out of his nostrils, grabbing something out of his duffel bag on the floor. "Are we on this again? I'm not just some craaaaazy monster who wants to destroy everything in sight. I have a brain and respect for peoples' property."

"Didn't… didn't you say about a dozen times how you wanted to take over my kingdom and overthrow my rule, kill me, eat me, burn me, tie me up, kidnap me and drag me to your castle, wrestle me into submission... et cetera?"

The Koopa briefly ran a comb through his messed-up hair, before fluffing it back into place with his claws. "Okay, first of all, I'm pretty sure you made half of those up. Secondly, yeah, but I've been here for days and have I actually _done_ any of that?"

"Maybe you're just waiting for the perfect time to strike." It was supposed to sound funny but came out sounding stuffy and serious.

"And maybe _you're_ a jerk who insults people even when they're trying to be nice." Bowser climbed onto the bed and lied down on his back. "Hmmph."

"Bowser-" Dedede didn't want to apologize, because that was like admitting defeat, but at the same time, he could see he'd upset the Koopa, regardless of his intentions. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't trying to be mean. At least, not intentionally mean. You do the playful ribbing thing all the time, but when I do it, it comes across wrong."

"Sure. You're just like everyone else, even if I convince myself otherwise."

"Like... everyone else? How so?"

"I'm nothing to ya but a big, freaky, destructive, obtrusive, no good beast. Which I am, _obviously,_ but..."

"No… Bowser…" Dedede walked over and sat on the side of the bed. He wasn't sure how to handle this, never expecting to see a side of the Koopa that was anything like this. "You don't think that, and neither do I, anymore. Sure, first impressions weren't great for _either_ of us, but I know there's more to you than what your… _spiky_ exterior projects."

"Nah, I know what I am."

"Do you? Because a minute ago you were denying your monster... _ly_... _ness_ … and now you're saying you're nothing _but_ a monster."

"Aren't you the active listener." Bowser's face betrayed no emotion.

"Listen, maybe sometimes stuff I say will sound worse to you than how I mean it, because you're expecting me to think of you the same way 'everyone else' does. Am I on to something?"

"Why do you care?"

"Oh, come on, help me out here... _Bowz!_ "

The Koopa seemed to smirk a little, but turned over on his side, facing the wall. "I'm getting bored of this conversation. Anyway, I'm really tired and I gotta get some shuteye if I'm gonna be fit to fly tonight."

Dedede bit his lip. His heart was pounding and he felt sick.

 _Am I really going to-? No, it's stupid, I'll get my face torn off… Then again…_

The penguin lied down and put his arm around Bowser.

The Koopa king stiffened. "W-what are you doing?"

Dedede licked his lips. His throat felt so dry. "Hey, don't get the wrong idea. But if I was _really_ afraid of you… if I _really_ thought you were just some mindless monster… Would I be able to do _this?_ "

"If you _keep_ doing it, I'll show you how scary I _really_ can be." Despite his crankiness, Dedede swore he felt the Koopa inch toward him ever so slightly, muscular back pressing into the penguin's soft tummy.

"I'm gonna call your bluff," Dedede said, squeezing him.

"W-when I get up, you're gonna pay for this," Bowser said, his tone lightening up again.

Dedede grabbed the edge of the blanket and tugged it over them. "Now you're really stuck."

The Koopa grunted. "I'm warning you, just because I'm not moving doesn't mean I'm okay with this. You just sealed your fate."

"Hah, I'm _sooooo_ scared."

Bowser was rumbling gently. "Oh, you _little…_ "

…

The twilight was seeping through the window as Dedede's eyes opened. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He noticed that the bed was empty, and wondered why that made him feel sick to his stomach. Then again, he'd eaten enough food to feed a family for weeks and then taken a nap, so that was probably a major contributing factor.

Glancing around the room, he noticed Bowser's shell and the rest of his belongings were nowhere in sight. His heart sank.

He pulled the blankets over his head, wanting to be in darkness for just a minute before he committed to waking up. Bowser had left already.

 _Bowser…_

The sheets smelled like Koopa, dark and spicy and exotic, but also familiar, like a warm campfire. Maybe a tiny bit musky from all the exercising earlier. That was when Dedede realized the side Bowser had slept on was still vaguely warm…

 _Maybe he's not gone yet!_

The penguin shot out of bed, rushing out the door. He went up to the first guard he saw and asked if they'd seen Bowser. Negative. He dashed through the castle, asking whoever he ran into, but no one had caught sight of the Koopa.

 _Did he really leave already?_

He got outside, looked around, and saw Bowser's Clown Car parked under a brick overhang, where he'd left it originally, to keep the rain out of it.

"There you are."

"Oh. Bowser!" Dedede jumped, startled. He turned around and felt a wave of relief to see his guest standing there.

"Looking for me?" The Koopa raised an eyebrow.

"I mean… I was kind of just wandering around…" Dedede tried to hide the fact that he was panting. "Where were you anyway?"

"In the shower. Didn't wanna go home smelling like dirt and tomatoes."

"Ah. Right. Well, you didn't smell bad. I-I mean, not that I noticed any scent one way or the other!"

Bowser was silent for a moment. "Did you really think I was gonna leave without saying goodbye?"

"The t-thought hadn't even crossed my mind. You think I'm always thinking about you or something?"

The Koopa smirked. "I mean, I would be if I were you."

 _What's that supposed to mean? Well, at least he seems to be in better spirits._

"Please. You're barely a blip on my radar, Bowz."

"And yet you've already picked out a nickname for me. Cute, by the way."

Dedede fumed. "Better than your nicknames for me. 'Deeds'? 'Deeders'?"

"I'm workin' on it. You got an awkward name to shorten, _Dee._ "

"I didn't say I _hated_ them. But _Bowz_ is a much cooler creation."

"Oh, I know I'm a cooler creation than you, but thanks for saying it officially."

"The _nickname,_ doofus. Don't start with me."

"Whatever, 90% of people I've met call me Bowz. Did you think you were clever?"

Dedede sighed. "Oh, shut your stupid face."

"Anyway… guess it's time to go."

"Right…"

Bowser held out his palm. "It was good."

Dedede shook the Koopa's hand. _"It was good"? That's it? And not even a hug? Or does he have to be drunk to be affectionate? Wait, why do I even care? This is how 'bros' interact, right? Not by cuddling and picking flowers like a..._

Bowser's grip was strong, but he finally let go. "So, uh, guess I'll… see ya 'round." His voice had a tinge of melancholy in it.

"...yeah."

Bowser got up into his Clown Car, started the engine, and rose off the ground as the propellor began rotating.

He gave a salute, shifted gears, and was soaring away, just like that.

Dedede looked up at the sky and watched as the silhouette grew smaller and smaller, until he couldn't see anything anymore.

 _That's it. He's really gone… so abruptly, too._ Then he came to a realization. _Oh, damn it, and I didn't even think to figure out a way we could stay in touch! Stupid, stupid._

The penguin sat there on the grass as the sunset turned to dark, ruminating.

Finally, having thought himself into a brand new headache, he sighed and went back into his castle alone.

* * *

 **[Author's note]: Well, that's it. That's the end. Hope you liked my story!**

 **… just kidding. That was mean. And I already trolled you with the opening. Don't worry, there's still more on the way. This chapter sucked to write because I wrote the entire thing and then lost it somehow, so I had to write it twice. I suppose it was a blessing in disguise, because the rewrite gave me time to think of new ideas and make it more interesting, whereas in the original I pretty much just described the gourmet race. I elected to cut that part from this second draft because it was boring. No one wants to read "Bowser ran and grabbed a piece of cake off the ground" fifty times. You're here for Bowz x DDD interaction. As am I!**

 **Anyhoo, I THINK I didn't lose the next chapter, so hopefully that one will be easier to handle. We're gonna see the two heroes… well, the villain and the half-villain… dealing with stuff other than each other for a minute! Things will expand ever so slightly.**

 **...yeah, the ending of the chapter is a LITTLE based on the ending of that old episode of the Simpsons where Homer meets his mom and then she leaves.**

 **I appreciate all the reviews and such, it's been a lot more enjoyable working on this knowing that a few people are enjoying it! Hope this chapter serves you well, until next time.**


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